Special Needs: Managed or Ministered To?

The mission of Grace Children's Ministry is to assist parents in leading their children toward a Gospel-centered life, to equip volunteers to shepherd children, and to encourage children to grow in Christ by teaching them biblical truths in meaningful ways. We desire to provide an environment where both parents and their children are loved and ministered to, including families with children with special needs.

A few months ago, in November, we hosted a Special Needs Equipping Event in which we provided an informative discussion about how we minister to families with children with special needs. We explained our process of how we try to reach out to these families so that the children can be integrated into our weekend programming, and the parents can have the opportunity to worship and serve in our church. We also provide more information about how we minister to families with children with special needs on our website.

We had a visitor named Amy Fenton Lee, author of The Inclusive Church, and she wrote an article titled "Special Needs: Managed or Ministered To?" after attending our Special Needs Equipping Event. This article is featured in the January 2011 newsletter for The Cory Center for Children's Ministry.

Hope Network

A few months ago, Hope Network asked us to write an article summarizing our special needs ministry.  What a honor to be able to share what God has been doing in our body, and what He's been teaching us as leaders.  You can read what we wrote in the Fall 2010 Ministries Newsletter.  Go to this page, and scroll down under the heading "Pastoral Services Publications." 

Thanks to the Hope Network for letting us be a part of this, and thanks for all the folks at Grace Church (staff and volunteers) who contributed to this ministry and this writing!

Special Needs Equipping Follow Up

We we excited to have 35 people (including Staff, Volunteer Coaches, and Welcome Team members) attend our Special Needs Equipping Event earlier this month.  After an initial welcome, we had about 45 minutes of a highly-informative program, including:

• Emily McGowan and Jessica Crumpton (our Special Needs coaches on the Pelham Road and Powdersville campuses, respectively) explained the general process of how a child with special needs gets ministered to during our weekend programming.  Most importantly for this audience, we wanted to give an overview of how we try to reach out to families who have children with special needs.  In these cases, we expect our volunteers to go the extra mile, as a way to love on these families.

• Jimmy & Susan Bates, and Joey & Charley Altom, two families that have children with special needs, shared their perspectives as parents.  In both cases, these families have been ministered to by other folks at Grace Church, and this not only encourages them, but has freed them up to minister to others (II Corinthians 1:3-5).  

The volunteers in attendance asked some good questions, especially of the Bates and Altoms, leading to further discussion and explanation.  For example, the parents said that it's OK for a church to tell a parent in this situation, "I don't know the answer, but we'd love to work with you to find a solution, if you'll help us."  Also, they were asked by a volunteer, "Do you want to know when your child misbehaves, or do you just need a break from that?"  All the parents were emphatic that they DO want to know about the behavior of their children, so that they can better shepherd them. 

We look forward to more events like this, perhaps from a different perspective or for a different audience, as we continue to seek ways to assist families in leading their children, and to equip volunteers to shepherd children. 

Take some time to check out our special needs page on our website, and watch this video about the Altoms' story when they started attending Grace Church over two years ago.

PS -- Special thanks to Amy Fenton Lee, author of The Inclusive Church, who made the 2 hour trip up to Greenville to check out this event.

Is God Sovereign Over Disability?

Of course He is!  John Knight writes: 

"God's sovereignty doesn't mean he merely permits disability. . . .  [H]e sovereignly intends it, both for his glory and for our good." 

See this article on Desiring God blog for the full answer.  In this article, note his creative paraphrase of Psalm 139:13-16, with specific descriptions of disabilities.

Special Needs Equipping Event

We have already written almost 20 posts this year about special needs, giving both the theology behind and practical application of what we do.  Our goal in communicating these things has been to inform our own church body about what we are doing and to give direction to parents who have children with special needs.  Additionally, we hope to be able to share with other churches what we are learning, to encourage and equip them.  (For churches looking for additional resources and information, we recommend The Inclusive Church, which also profiled our ministry in this post.)

To further equip our Children's Ministry volunteers, we are hosting a Special Needs Equipping Event on Wednesday, November 3.  This meeting is for our Welcome Teams (who are on the front line of greeting families and helping children get checked into Small Groups), and for all our Volunteer Coaches, who may need to help meet specific needs during our weekend programming for a child with special needs.  We will share our vision, helpful information, and inspiration, as we strive to reach the hearts of the parents and children.

This event is by invite only, but if you want to know more or if you have any other questions (or if we mistakenly left you off the invite list), please let us know. 

Additionally, we've launched a couple of additional communication tools:

1. A webpage summarizing our Special Needs ministry.
2. An specific email address (specialneeds@gracechurchsc.org) for questions about this ministry.

Categories

In this article on the Student Ministry blog, Leah Pinckney (Fusion Director) talks about the positives and dangers about putting people into categories.  But she reminds us that we are all in the category of being "broken and in need of a Savior."

She also discusses more specifically the category of students with "special needs."  Here is an excerpt:

"As I think through how to love students with special needs, how to meet them where they are and push them towards Jesus, I see all over again how much our body of students need to be in community with people in different categories.  We need those with special needs to be a part of our body.  We, as a body, need to be more mindful of how to adjust the way we do things to help grow those that our “different”, whether it’s someone who is categorized with special needs, someone who is weak or someone who is just outside the category that the majority fit into. . . .

"Our student ministry at Grace Church desires to integrate those with special needs into our body.  We believe that God has a specific role for them to play within our student ministry, just as every other student does.  We desire to push them to pursue God, connect with the church and engage the world by meeting them where they are and equipping them to know and love the gospel."

Read the entire article here.

Special Needs FAQ: Review

After the series outlining our thoughts and applications for ministering to families who have children with special needs, we gave a list of frequently asked questions (FAQ's) that we subsequently answered on this blog.  Here is a summary of those FAQ's and the links to the answers:

1. Will my child be with his or her age-group during the weekend programming?
2. Can my child have a "shadow" or "buddy" to assist them with activities in the Children's Ministry programming?  Are your shadows passionate and equipped?  How should I request one?
3. Who is in leadership over special needs?  What expertise do they have?
4. How will I be notified if there is a problem during the worship service?
5. I am dealing with grief and anxiety.  How can I get counseling?

If you have any other thoughts or questions, please let us know.  Leave a comment here, or email us at children@gracechurchsc.org.

Special Needs FAQ: How Can I Get Counselling?

For people who are experiencing the effects of a fallen world (Genesis 3), grief is not uncommon.  It is important to not withdraw, but to move towards God and towards others.  Scott Mozingo, the Pastor of Community at Grace Church, gives us his thoughts on the question of grief and counseling:

"At Grace, we take the role of shepherding and care for our members very seriously.  It is helpful to think in terms of shepherding in two categories -- crisis (immediate) and discipleship (ongoing).  Counseling is one form of immediate care that occurs when someone is dealing with grief.  This often takes the form of meeting with a pastor, and some specific instruction and care is given to help get through the immediate state of crisis.

However, as we know, grief does not go away just because an immediate state of crisis has passed.  In my opinion, this is where the real work of the church begins, as the main avenue for that type of member-care is through authentic, Christ-centered community.  The primary form for this at Grace Church is Community Groups.  Community Groups provide an ongoing discipleship context where one struggling with grief could receive encouragement and admonition, as well as give back to the community from their experience.  This two-way relationship is God's primary plan for our spiritual growth.

In addition, there may be seasons where specialized mentoring is needed.  Whenever we can, we are glad to connect folks together in a mentoring-type relationship for a short period.  However, mentoring and pastoral care cannot take the place of an active and ongoing community of believers that walk through life -- good and bad -- with one another."

If you would like to get more information on receiving counseling at Grace Church or to get connected in authentic, Christ-centered community, email Chris McGowan, our Connecting Pastor, at cmcgowan@gracechurchsc.org.

Image courtesy of mattox via sxc.hu

Special Needs FAQ: How Will I Be Notified If There Is a Problem During the Service?

In this post in the series of frequently asked questions about how we minister to children with special needs, we'll answer this question and other key topics regarding our safety policies.

Each of our three campuses uses and computer-based check-in / check-out system called Parent Pager.  Upon checking in your child, you will receive a unique (for that campus) 2- to 4-digit Household ID number, which will be the same number every time you return to that campus.  If we need you to return to the Children's Center (or Children's Ministry area) from the adult worship service, your Household ID number will appear in the lower corner of the screens (Pelham Road and Downtown campuses), or on a red LED display under the worship screen (Powdersville campus).  You should return to a Children's welcome desk, where a staff member or volunteer will communicate with you further.

You can read more about our safety policies on our website.  Here are some key elements to our safety plan:

• We run background checks (using a system that searches a national database) on adults who serve as Small Group Leaders and members of the Welcome Team.
• We have windows next to every classroom, and always have staff and volunteers walking around checking on the rooms.
• Men are not allowed to change diapers or accompany a child into the bathroom.
• Volunteers can only release a child to an authorized person who has a check-out slip.
• In general, volunteers are not authorized to give a child any form of medicine. 

Questions about any part of our safety policies?

Special Needs FAQ: Who's In Leadership Over Special Needs?

Most parents who come to Grace Church and who have children with Special Needs want to know who is in leadership over this ministry.  They may wonder if their child will be merely "babysat" by well-meaning volunteers, but who have no understanding of that child's specific needs.  We have already talked about our volunteer shadows, but who exactly equips these shadows?  And what about children who do not require shadows?  Is there leadership and expertise throughout this ministry area?

Grace Church is an elder-led church, meaning that the elder board has the ultimate authority and responsibility for everything our church does.  However, the day-to-day operations is handled by the staff, including Children's Ministry.  In most areas of Children's Ministry, especially in an area as specific as Special Needs, we depend highly on volunteers to equip, minister to, and inform others.  We have been blessed with two great volunteer "coaches" who help provide leadership, direction, and training for our Special Needs ministry.

Emily McGowan helped get this ministry launched at Grace Church years ago, and currently serves on the Pelham Road campus as the Special Needs Coach (organizes, schedules, and equips volunteers).  She has a degree in Special Education, and is certified  to teach children with learning disabilities and profound mental disabilities.  She taught for three years at the Washington Center, teaching children ages 5-8 who had profound disabilities, and she has also done applied behavioral analysis (ABA) tutoring for children with autism.  She now stays at home with her two sons, including her a two-year-old that has dwarfism and developmental delays.

Jessica Crumpton has served in a number of areas at Grace Church, and is now our Special Needs Coach on our Powdersville Campus.  Like Emily, she has a degree in Special Education, and is certified to teach children with learning disabilities, trainable mentally disabled, and educable mentally disabled students.  She taught for four years in the Pickens County School District before coming home to be with her children.

With a newly launched Children's Ministry programming at our Downtown Campus, we have not had specific leadership over special needs, nor a need for it at the start.  But with a growing church, we hope that God will give us opportunities to minister to families who have children with special needs, and we trust that He will continue to provide the leaders to support them.

Image courtesy of immrchris via sxc.hu

Special Needs FAQ: Shadows -- Can My Child Have One, and Who Are They?

Next in our series of FAQ's about Special Needs are some questions regarding "shadows" or "buddies."  We currently have about 8 children that require a "shadow" during our weekend programming.  These range from children with autism or developmental delays, to preschool-age children with physical disabilities who need someone to specifically ensure their safety, and even a 2-year old with diabetes that needs a trained medical professional to check his blood sugar level.  Most of these children stay for two services, allowing their parents the opportunity to worship and serve.  Accordingly, we currently need at least 12-15 volunteers to regularly serve as Special Needs shadows.

Unfortunately, at this point we do not have an abundance of trained shadows on "stand-by" to be ready for the occasional visitor that has special needs.  Therefore, it may be difficult for us to provide a shadow on short-notice, although on more than one occasion, God has raised up someone just in the the nick of time for an unexpected guest.  If a parent expects to need a shadow for his or her child, they should contact the church office (864-284-0122) or email us at children@gracechurchsc.org with as much notice as possible, and we will do our best to provide a shadow.  We may not have an immediate and permanent solution, but for families that want to be a part of our church body (or at least explore that possibility), we desire to come alongside them and assist them.  We put a high value in a long-term relationship. 

Who are these shadows?  We have folks with a range of backgrounds and experiences, but they are all equipped and trained by leaders with expertise (more on that next week), and they all are passionate about ministering to children, especially children with special needs.  We do not compromise in this area at all.

Some of our shadows are teenagers who just love being with younger children.  Some are adults that come with experience (professional or volunteer) working with children or adults with special needs.  We have some nurses and physical therapists, who primarily work with the children in our programming that have physical disabilities or illnesses.  Since we are ministering to a variety of special needs, we try very hard to match up the needs of the child with the passion and skills of the volunteer.  The right fit, coupled with training, makes all the difference.

Special Needs FAQ: Will My Child Be With His Age-Group During the Weekend Programming?

For each child who takes part in our weekend programming, we want them to have a meaningful experience.  Our staff and volunteers desire to shepherd all children in our body, but there is a tension between meeting the individual needs of each person, while also doing what is best for the ministry as a whole.  This tension exists throughout our Children's Ministry programming, including how we allocate our resources, how we assign children to their small groups, the focus of the curricula, the crafts and activities we do, and how we minister to children with special needs.  Our goal is not to be "one size fits all," but "one size fits most."  With a ministry of around 1000 children, it will be impossible to meet the specific desires of every family. 

So, to answer the question above, the simple answer is "It depends."  In our experience over the past 6 or 7 years, there have been a number of possibilities, such as placing a child in his . . .

1. Exact age-group.  As we noted in this post, our ultimate goal is for every child to be with his or her age-group.  We believe that meaningful and long-term peer relationships are a crucial part of spiritual growth, whether for children, teenagers, or adults.  That's why virtually every child is in a small group of children that are in the same grade-level.
2. A slightly younger age-group.  There are situations when it is best to have a child in a lower grade level.  With school-age children, we typically assign children in our programming to the same grade level that they are in the school system.  For example, we have had children with autism who are in a grade or two lower than their age would typcially dictate.
3. Own room, temporarily (with a volunteer "shadow," but not with peers).  We have had children with health issues (such as a weakened immune system), for whom it would be dangerous to be in a group of children.  These children were placed in their own room with a shadow, until their health situation changed and their doctors allowed them to be around other children.  In these situations, the blessing for the parents was having the freedom to continue to worship in community, without worry about their children's safety.
4. Something else?.  We realize that our current weekend programming may not be the right fit for all people who have special needs.  For example, what if we had a 21-year-old man who functions the level of a 6-9 year old?  At this point, we don't think it is best if he was in our Camp Grace (elementary) programming.  As we grow, we realize that we are likely to encounter more and more cases like these, and we will do our best to work with families to find the best possible solution.  All we can ask from families is for grace and patience, as we grow and desire to learn and adapt.

With regards to which small group each child is assigned to, we want parents to know that we don't make these decisions blindly or recklessly.  We want to dialogue with parents about what is best for the child and for the ministry as a whole.  Know that this dialogue is not necessarily a one-time event, but a long-term process and conversation, as we seek to balance the needs and wants of the individual family with the needs of the ministry as a whole.   

Special Needs FAQ's

Through the process of writing about children with special needs,we have received a number of questions regarding how our ideas are put into effect in Grace Children's Ministry.  Here are some of the more common questions that we'll answer over the next couple of weeks:

1. Will my child be with his or her age-group during the weekend programming, or in an isolated classroom with other children with special needs?
2. Can my child have a "shadow" or "buddy" to assist them with activities in the Children's Ministry programming?  How should I request one?
3. Who are the shadow that Grace Children's Ministry uses?  Are they passionate and equipped?
4. Who is in leadership over special needs?  What expertise do they have?
5. How will I be notified if there is a problem during the worship service?
6. I am dealing with grief and anxiety.  How can I get counseling?

If you want to learn more about our vision for children with special needs, see this post that gives a review and links to others posts in this series.  Have another question not listed here?  Leave a comment or email us at children@gracechurchsc.org. 

Image courtesy of immrchris via sxc.hu

Special Needs: Review

For those who missed it, here are a summary and links for the recent series on children with special needs.  We welcome any questions and feedback.

1. Overview to special needs ministry.  With more than 15 children in our church who have special needs, we knew that we need to ask God to help us discern what He wants from us.
2. Why are we focusing on special needs?  To give theology and direction to increasing number of families at Grace Church who have children with special needs.
3. What do we mean by "special needs?"  We consider a broad scope, from emotional and neurological disorders to physical disabilities.  
4. Important biblical principles.  Here, we highlight some things that God says about children, parents, and Himself. 
5. The role of the church.  Read about what we do to come alongside parents. 
6. The role of the parents.  Be intentional, have expectations, and preach the gospel.
7. Growing in the gospel.  Other things to consider, especially about marriage and personal growth.

Special Needs: Growing in the Gospel

Families who have children with special needs are burdened with much higher stress levels, and marriages have an increased rate of failure.  The tendency is to focus an unhealthy balance of time, energy, and resources on the child with special needs, leaving the marriage relationship wanting and suffering.  It is absolutely crucial for the husband and wife to be intentional and diligent to keep their marriage strong.  What any child needs from his parents, more than anything else, is for his parents to love each other and grow in their walk with God.

We must also consider the effect of having a child with special needs on the parent himself or herself.  For most parents, having a child with special needs involves some level of grief, and this is absolutely normal.  With all of life's hardships and challenges, there are unmet expectations and disappointments.  Furthermore, experiencing and working through this grief is not a one-time event, but a process of learning to depend on and trust in Christ more and more.  The key thing is to continually move forward, to move towards God, and not hide or retreat from Him or from the body of Christ.  Our children need us to pursue Christ, and this happens best in the context of true community.

We believe that God wants us to use the challenges in our life as a tool to refine and grow us.  When we encounter hardships and go through grief, we should ask questions like, "What do I want?" and "Where is my hope?"  We must learn that Christ alone is our hope, and that only in a relationship with Him can we find joy and peace.  We must remember that the gospel meets special needs.

Special Needs: The Role of the Parents

In all that we discuss about the role of parents or the role of the church, we must be clear that the spiritual (and mental, and emotional) growth of our children is never ultimately in our hands.  It is always about the Holy Spirit.  There are plenty of principles that we should live out, but we must never substitute those action steps for a trust and hope in the gospel.  Above all else, we parents should be continually crying out to our God for His mercy and His power to be manifested in us and our children.

Because of the stress and complications of having a child with special needs, we know that it can become easy to become either passive or reactive to what our children need in order to grow.  We must not forget to be proactive and intentional to shepherd our children, to meet their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs.  Even if they do not grow in these areas as fast as other children, all that we do to be their leader (not just care-giver) will pay off dividends.  Furthermore, we have seen that for families with multiple children, those that are intentional for the sake of their child with special needs also reap the benefit of learning to be more intentional with their other children as well.

Parents must have realistic and biblical expectations for their children.  As we previously noted, all children are called to obey their parents (Ephesians 6:1).  However, parents must consider each child's level of functioning, not just their chronological age.  Parenting children with special needs requires distinguishing between sinful, foolish, or childish behaviors which are common to all children, and behaviors which are the result of the child's disability.  Therefore, forms of discipline and training may vary for each child.

At all levels of training, it is important for the parent to communicate using biblical language (such as "image of God," "sin," "obey," etc.), no matter what the child's age or functioning level.  Isaiah 55:11 promises that God's word will not return empty, but will produce fruit.  Do not hesitate to preach the gospel to your child, as we must preach it to ourselves every day.

Special Needs: The Role of the Church

As we have already mentioned in the previous post in this series, we believe that parents must have the primary role in training and discipling their children.  (This concept will be expanded on in the next post in this series.)  We also believe that God can work through the local church to encourage, support, and equip parents.  In light of this principle, Grace Church desires to be an instrument in God's hands to minister to families who have children with special needs.

The mission of Grace Children's Ministry is to assist parents in leading their children toward a Gospel-centered life, to equip volunteers to shepherd children, and to encourage children to grow in Christ by teaching them biblical truths in meaningful ways.  Here are some general thoughts on how this mission statement is fleshed out for children with special needs:

1. We can assist parents by helping them feel comfortable leaving their children with capable and loving volunteers, so that they can feel free to attend our corporate worship services.  Additionally, we can provide support and equipping during the week.  We know that parents who have children with special needs need to not just "manage the situation," but need to help their children move towards God, as best they can.  We have a number of families who are striving to lead their children in the context of the Gospel.  We can help by connecting parents, so that they can talk about what it looks like to shepherd children with special needs.
2. Our goal with our weekend services is to allow children to participate in the appropriate programming, so that they can fellowship and build relationships with their peers.  Therefore, we need to equip the volunteers who will be serving them, so that they can feel confident in how to minister to each specific need.  We have parent-teacher liaisons who communicate with both parents and volunteers, to help ensure that children with special needs have meaningful and enjoyable experiences in our Children's Ministry programming.
3. We already have noted that we want children to participate in our weekend programming.  We all have an innate need for community and acceptance.  Of course, there may be situations that will hinder this goal for mainstreaming children into the classroom, but we hope that this will always be the extreme exception.  It is a blessing for the child with special needs to be with their peers, as it is equally a blessing for the other children in the class to learn that every person is uniquely created by God and is deserving of love.

We can give more specific information of how mainstream children in our weekend programming, such as related to initial communication, safety, and volunteers who serve as "shadows" or "buddies."  We will discuss that later, perhaps in a post about Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ's); you can help us by letting us know what specific questions you want answered by leaving us a comment below.

There is a lot that we are already doing well, but we also have much to learn about how to minister to families who have children with special needs.  We are imperfect in both our understanding and execution of this ministry area, but if parents are willing to partner with us and help us learn, we would love the opportunity to come alongside them.

Special Needs: Important Biblical References

In our discussion of special needs, we need to give a brief theology about children, directly from Scripture.  Here is a representative sample of biblical principles and references that should shape our worldview:

1. Children are created in the image of God, so that His glory can be reflected and made known (Genesis 1:26-27).
2. Children, like all people, are innately sinners, not innocent (Romans 3:23). 
3. Children are a blessing from the Lord (Psalm 127:3).
4. Children are commanded to obey their parents (Ephesians 6:1).  For a child to disobey his parents is equivalent to him disobeying God.
5. It is primarily the role of parents (not culture, government, school, or church) to shepherd and train their children (Deuteronomy 6:6-7; Hebrews 12:7-11).  However, we should take advantage of other resources, but always knowing that the main direction and energy must come from God empowering parents to lead their own children.
6. God is sovereign; He is not surprised by anyone having a special need, nor does He see special needs as an "accident" (Psalm 139:13-14).

It is important to note that in all biblical references to humanity and children, there are no qualifiers.  For example, God does not say, "Some children need to obey their parents;" all children are expected to obey.  Additionally, He does not say, "Only children without autism are a blessing from Me;" He says that all children are blessings and created in His image.  In our perspective and lifestyle, we need to respond to God's revealed Word, and live out the principles and commands that He has clearly given.

What Do We Mean by Special Needs?

In this post in the series, we will explain what we mean when we say "special needs."  There is no universal consensus as to what term is most appropriate to describe children who have disabilities or handicaps.  Some prefer "children with disabilities," "differently abled," or "challenged," along with many other possibilities.  We have chosen to use "special needs" and use that term throughout our ministry, and we do not mean to offend anyone who does not prefer this description.

We have traditionally included a variety of situations under the scope of "special needs."  This can include emotional, mental, and neurological disorders, such as autism, Downs Syndrome, cerebral palsy, or Tourette's (and we have different children with each of these conditions).  "Special needs" also includes children with physical disabilities.  This includes children with diabetes, children who are wheelchair-bound, or children who have immune system deficiencies due to illness or surgery.  Our goal is to minister to all families, knowing that each situation is unique.

Why Are We Focusing on Special Needs?

To start off our series of posts about children with special needs, we need to explain why we are putting a focus on this topic.  Going back almost 10 years, we have had a few children at Grace Church who have had what we call "special needs" (we will define that term in the next post in this series).  For some of these children, this has required a "shadow" to accompany him or her during the weekend programming.  We have been blessed with great leaders (predominately from a volunteer role) who have provided insight and support to come alongside families in this situation.

Within the past 2 to 3 years, we have seen a dramatic increase in the number of families at Grace Church who have children with special needs.  This is due in part to the sheer growth at Grace Church (with our Children's Ministry attendance nearly doubling in the past 3 years), along with the support that families have received from leaders.  Families have found a safe haven here, where both parents and their children are loved and ministered to.  Because we are currently ministering to at least 15 children who have a variety of special needs, we feel the need to give some theology and direction for families who have children with special needs. 

As stated in the previous post, the topics that will be covered in the rest of the series will be:

• Our Definition of "Special Needs"
• Important Biblical Principles
• The Role of the Church
• The Role of the Parents
• Growing in the Gospel

Additionally, we plan to list and answer some Frequently Asked Questions.  Please let us know what questions you have by leaving a comment here or emailing us at children@gracechurchsc.org.