Non-Negotiables: Your Children

Wayne Stocks wrote a series called "The Non-Negotiables," which can be read on Kidmin1124.  As volunteers, parents, spouses, workers, ministers, etc, we all face the battle for time.  (As Andy Stanley points out in Choosing to Cheat, we need to make courageous decisions about how we use our time, since whatever choice we make will ultimately cheat someone else who wants that time.)  The tendency for those of us who do ministry (whether paid or unpaid) is "to let our ministry become the main thing in our lives.  After all, we are doing the work of God, right?"  But Stocks reminds us that our priorities need to be in this order:

1. God (not doing His work, but growing and trusting in Him)
2. Marriage (if applicable)
3. Children (again, if applicable)
4. Community (such as church)
5. Ministry

In the 5th post in this series, about children, the author points out that our children don't just need quality time; they need quantity time as well.  He then gives more specific direction for Dads:

1. With regards to their sons, Dads need to model godliness, love, protect, and teach.
2. With regards to their daughters, Dads need to love, show respect, lead, affirm, and be humble.

Read the full article here.

Why Gender & Sexuality Matter

In our Preschool programming, we are in the midst of our series on God is Relational, as we teach about Adam and Eve (see this post about the leader preparation material).  Grace Church has been teaching more and more about biblical masculinity (see this blog post, for example) and femininity (we have been developing and rolling out some newly-developed curriculum, in stages).

Here is another blog post on why gender and sexuality matter, on The Resurgence blog.  Some key points:

• "God does not create a generic human being and then add gender; rather, he creates a human being either as a male person or as a female person."
• "[M]en and women should be thankful for the gender with which God created them. . . .  Gender differences should be celebrated."
• "[T]he biblical portrait is that marriage is between a man and a woman who commit themselves to living in a monogamous relationship.  Sexual intercourse is to be enjoyed within the bounds of this covenantal framework and is designed for several purposes, including pleasure, procreation, a guard against immorality, and unity."

Read the full article here.

Do You Love Your Spouse?

We have already discussed and recommended Paul Tripp's latest book on marriage, What Did You Expect?, on this blog (see here).  This book would be a great resource if you are considering marriage, and even more so at any point during one's marriage.

From The Gospel Coalition, here is another article giving excerpts from chapter 12 of this book.  The point of this chapter is to show that we are not capable by our own efforts of truly loving our spouse as God would have us.  The impossibility of this task should drive us to the Gospel, as we are weak and needy.  Jesus died not only to make us righteous despite our failure to love, "but also so that we would have the desire, wisdom, and power to love as we should."

Additionally, there are some videos on that blog of Tedd Tripp talking about some of the principles in this book.  Here is one where Tripp says, "I'm proposing that marriage is war." 




Here is another video, from a more personal perspective from the author.  ("The character of a marriage is not built in three big moments; it's built in ten-thousand little moments.")




After reading the article, we encourage you to get a copy of What Did You Expect?

What Did You Expect??

I'm about halfway through Paul David Tripp's new book on marriage, "What Did You Expect??" There is enough theology, principles, and application in the first chapter alone to help you rethink and improve your marriage.  Too often, relationships are formed and centered around each person's expectations and presuppositions.  The ignore the fact that they are sinners living in a fallen world.  Even worse, they forget that God is faithful, powerful, and willing enough to want the best for our marriages.

But the key issue, I think, is that both men and women think marriage is about achieving happiness.  In the worst case, people expect marriage to make themselves happy, but it is just as wrong to think marriage is about making your spouse happy.  Don't get me wrong -- it's not that God doesn't want me or my wife to be happy; it's just that He is much more concerned about my holiness than my happiness.

Above all else, God wants me to worship Him.  He wants my marriage to reflect His nature and glory, and He is using my marriage to expose my sin issues and to make me more like His Son Jesus Christ.  He is not satisfied with helping me a little; He wants to change my heart. 

What does worshiping God have to do with marriage?  Tripp writes,

"Marriages are fixed vertically before they are ever fixed horizontally. . . .  When God is in his rightful place, then we are on the way to putting people in their rightful place." 

For additional thoughts on this book, you can read book reviews by Scott Freeman (on the Grace Church Pastors Blog) and by Justin Taylor (on The Gospel Coalition). 

--  Joey Espinosa

Adventure

Last fall at Grace Church, we had a teaching series called "One."  A key focus of this series was for marriage relationships, but the principles are definitely applicable for whatever season of life you are in. The areas taught were: singleness, oneness, uniqueness, redemption, adventure, and intimacy. (See our website for the audio and notes. If you are interested in purchasing the series as DVD's, email us at info@gracechurchsc.org.)

Personally, the most powerful and life-changing topic was that of Adventure. I wouldn't consider myself a nature "visionary" leader by most standards, but this concept resonated with me as something that can help give direction and purpose to our lives.

Joanna and I began talking about what we think is the Adventure that God has for us. This is requiring multiple conversations, prayer, lots of introspection, and reflecting on our experiences. Earlier this year, on a 2-night retreat / get-away, we came up with what we believe our adventure is: children. We are not parenting our child-development experts by far! But God has given us experiences, tools, and a passion to equip the next generation through serving and exhortation. We're not exactly sure what all the specifics look like, but here are the arenas that we think God wants to use us in:

1. Our Family
2. Our Church
3. Our Culture
4. Our World

I'll go into more detail about these over a series of posts. In this, I hope to help you see our thought process to encourage you to think about what your adventure is.

--  Joey Espinosa

Scared Straight Marriage Speech

'If you have kids, don’t ever say that you “have to babysit them” while your spouse goes out. You don’t babysit your own kids. You watch them. Huge difference.'

Want more marriage advice?  Read the full article here.  If you don't want to click through now, here's my favorite: 

'If your wife or husband has a job that doesn’t allow them to go out to lunch, don’t describe the delicious lunch meeting you had in exquisite detail when you get home. “The Ahi Tuna was almost too fresh, you know? I’ve just never seen it that perfect. It was kind of intimidating it was so delicious. But enough about me, how was your peanut butter & jelly sandwich? How’s chunky peanut butter working out for you?”'

 -- Joey Espinosa

Marriage Intimacy

Since we at Grace Church are in the middle of a series called "One," with key implications for marriage and relationships, I found this video to be very timely. David Powlison has some great thoughts and principles about marital intimacy and redemption.

Also, if you have not followed the teaching series, you can listen to and/or download the teachings from our website.

-- Joey Espinosa