We Took a Hike

I really like Table Rock State Park.  Our family has been there a number of times, usually to hike, picnic, and play on the playground.  Since we've always done the hike when one of our kids was toddler-age, we've always stuck with the shorter, 1.8-mile loop, as opposed to going all the way to the top.  I like this trail because you begin by going up, which means it's mostly downhill on the way back.

After doing this hike this past spring, we talked about stretching it a little further the next time.  There is a picnic shelter almost 2 miles up the trail.  We thought it would be a great adventure to hike up there, eat lunch and then head back down.  Surely, a 4-mile hike would be a great accomplishment, right?

A couple of weeks ago, with the nice October weather, we decided to pack up and do this.  As we drove to the park, I remember seeing the view in the picture above, and telling Joanna, "It's hard to believe that you could hike up that far in one day."  It seems so far away, and so high up, but we talked about how neat it would be to do that when our kids got a little older.

We had a great hike up to the shelter, and ate lunch with a great view (see the right).  After a break, we decided to hike a little further up the trail, just to see if we could see some more views.  We hiked a little more, and a little more, and soon Joanna and I decided to see how far we could go.  After all, we had already hiked two hours, and the kids seemed to be enjoying it and doing fine.  Who knows when we would come this far again?

The kids had a blast on the trail.  Hannah kept pretending she was an "Indian guide."  Elijah loved being up ahead as the "scout," and Sender insisted he was "Spider-Man" as he climbed up all the rocks along the path.  Before we knew it, we had reached the summit, and then the end of the trail.

After spending some time on the rock -- ready to pounce and grab one of our kids should they get a little careless, and watching hawks fly and dive below us (what a weird feeling to be above those birds) -- we embarked on the trip back down. 

All in all, we walked and climbed 7.2 miles (in about 6 hours), far more than the originally-planned 4-mile hike.  Hannah talked all the way down the mountain, still pretending to be an Indian guide.  I kept having to tell Elijah to stop ahead, or else he would have beaten us all down by at least 30 minutes.  Sender alternated between being Spider-Man and an Indian guide named "Billy Bob" (not sure about that one).  Joanna was patiently playing pretend with Hannah (for hours mind you).  And I was just beaming with pride about my family.  We just had a great adventure, and we truly enjoyed it together (a couple we saw at the end of the trail commented how neat it was that we seemed to be enjoying each other so much).  The older kids were troopers on this trek, and I carried Sender for no more than 2 or 2.5 miles, so he (at just under 4 years old) climbed about 5 miles by himself.

Elijah summed it up best when he told us that it was great that "our family had a big accomplishment today."  Yes, we did.

Has your family had a big adventure or accomplishment in 2010?

--  Joey Espinosa

5 Books for Dads of Daughters

My daughter (and oldest child) Hannah just turned 9 last month.  Growing up with just an older brother, I had no idea what it was like to have a little girl in my house.  So, I have searched for instruction and direction.  I regularly seek out men with older daughters, I listen to teachings such as A Man and His Daughter (Men's Roundtable), and I read books about parenting in general and about parenting girls.

Here are some recommended books for Dads of daughters.  The first two books are recommended by Justin Holcomb in his post called Daughters Are a Gift from God. The second two are books that I've read and enjoyed, and the last one is on my bookshelf waiting to be read.

1. Why a Daughter Needs a Dad: 100 Reasons
2. The Love Between Fathers and Daughters
3. She Calls Me Daddy
4. How to Be Your Daughter's Daddy
5. Bringing Up Girls

What about you?  Have you read any of these?  What did you think?  Any other books or resources that you'd recommend to a Dad of a precious girl?

--  Joey Espinosa

Teach Your Kids to Be Safe

Within the past year, we have had two instances of a child pulling a fire alarm in the Children's Center on our Pelham Road campus.  Once was in between services on a Sunday morning, and today it was right before a home school co-op was starting up.  Neither time was the offender caught, but both times there were consequences for others:  programming (where children were being discipled) was disrupted for dozens -- if not several hundred -- children, fire men responded to a false alarm (drawing them away from potential life-saving duties), a monetary fine was required, and young children got upset at the noise of the alarm.

One thing I realized was that while my older two children know to not pull fire alarms except in an emergency, I don't remember ever specifically telling my 3-year-old to not pull a fire alarm.  I would hope that we've taught him enough to know that he is not to touch things that do not belong to him.  But from experience I know that he is a selfish sinner who needs to grow in self-control.  I need to specifically tell him that fire alarms are only for emergencies.

Similarly, based on a suggestion we saw on a news show, I had a talk the other day with my older children about talking with strangers.  Like most parents, we have tried to teach our children to love and serve others.  However, evil-minded adults could use this against us.  Predators have been known to ask a child for help (as in "Can you help my find my lost puppy?  He likes little boys.") in order to lure them away from safety.  So, I told my children that an adult who is a stranger should never need help from a child.  If a strange adult needs help, they should find another adult.

If you are like me, there are some things that are easy to assume that our children would know, and some things that we do well in emphasizing.  For example, most parents are great about teaching children to not run in the street, but can you think of a few examples where you have not specifically forbidden and warned against an unsafe action? 

--  Joey Espinosa

Goals for Our Children: Thoughts from Titus 2

Earlier this year, I shared my thoughts about the adventure that we think God has for our family, to equip the next generation.  And I outlined our thoughts about how we might carry this out in the arenas of Family, Church, Culture, and the World.  We've been continuing to think strategically, and trying to be aware of wisdom from God in this matter.

Recently I was reading through the book of Titus.  With all these thoughts about family and children in the back of my mind, I read chapter 2 with an entire new perspective -- that is, how it applies to my family.  This is what I think God was teaching me:

1. Verse 2 applies to me as a husband and father.  I need to strive for self-control, reverence, being temperate, having faith, love, patience, and to be an example for my kids (verse 7).
2. Verse 3-4 applies to Joanna as a wife and mother.  She needs to be reverent, careful with her speech, and to teach what is good to our children.  (It also says that she shouldn't be a drunk, but I think we're safe here.)
3. Verses 5-8 give goals that we should have for our children:
1. We need to teach our sons to live wisely, to know God's truth, to not be easily tempted, and to do good deeds and have good speech.
2. We need to teach our daughter how to love her husband and children, to make good choices, to be sexually-pure, to be a homemaker (such as in this post), and to be good and kind. 

Of course, these goals must not be for worldly reasons, such as to look good to others, to make ourselves feel good, or to gain any other earthly benefit.  The main motivation to train our children must be because God saved us (see verses 11-14).  Being on God's adventure for us and and making disciples of our children are how we should respond to Him in worship.

Do you have goals for your children?  What is your motivation for those goals?

--  Joey Espinosa

Helping Our Kids Learn to Communicate

I feel much better about buying a Wii (even though we paid for only half, as I wrote about here) since I figured out a way to use it as a tool to train our kids.  I'm not sure about your children, but sometimes (or, LOTS of times) they have a hard time engaging others in conversation.  They can be pleasant enough with "Thank you" and "Yes, sir," and with answering questions, such as "What grade are you in?"  But we need to train them that good conversation takes effort from both parties.

And each of our children, and one in particular, sometimes tries to avoid conversation, with the claim of "I'm shy."  We don't buy that excuse.  When they refuse to talk to others, it is not shyness, but rudeness.  Someone acting shy is being proud, instead of considering others better than themselves (Philippians 2:3).  To talk with someone, to ask about who they are and what they have done, is an act of selflessness and love.

So, back to the Wii, more specifically, Wii Sports, our first game that we had for the Wii.  I explained to my kids (especially Hannah and Elijah) that good conversation is like a friendly game of tennis.  The goal is to keep hitting it back and forth, keeping the "conversation" going.  When something happens to break the conversation, you "serve" up another question to keep it going.  The goal in conversation is to keep it going, to engage the other person by showing interest in him or her.

Conversely, I explained, good conversation is definitely not like boxing, where you just aim to beat up on someone.  And it's not so much like bowling or golf, which are really solo sports and the goal is just to knock down the pins or get the ball in the hole and then be done. 

Elijah chimed in, "But conversation could be like baseball."  I asked why he thought that.  He replied, "Well, you hit it to one person, and then he throws it to someone else, and then he can throw it to someone else, too."  Great thought!  Good conversations can be between two people, but it's great to have them among a group of friends as well, in community. 

Have you used games, toys, cartoons, etc, as illustrations to train your child?

--  Joey Espinosa

In Your Image

If you want a wake up call, tell your child (especially one who is observant, dramatic, or just completely out-going) to imitate you.  Recently, we did this with our 3-year-old son Sender at the dinner table.  As he imitated me, he made a bunch of silly faces; I'm not really sure how I feel about that, but it was better than Joanna got.  When it was time for him to imitate her, he got a serious look on his face and very sternly said, "What?!"  Joanna and I both tried to remember when she actually says that, but we laughed and shrugged and let it go. 

Two days later, Joanna and the kids were with some other families for a "play group" at someone's house.  A handful of moms were inside, and about 15 kids were outside playing.  Sender began repeatedly knocking on the door, and eventually Joanna (understandably not wanting to leave the conversation) went to the door and sternly started to say, "Wh--?!"  She caught herself.  What an eye opener!

Our kids follow our lead, sometimes in negative ways.  Negative as in mimicking the tone of voice that they hear us use (and doesn't it sound so much worse when we hear it in others?).  Negative as in strongly preferring being inside reading, watching TV, or playing video games, instead of outside playing and working up a sweat (our son Elijah gets this from me).  Negative as in having a bad attitude when life doesn't go our way.

Of course, imitations can be positive, too.  I remember when Elijah was a baby, and Joanna was constantly caring for and feeding him.  Hannah (age 2 at the time) copied her mother, and seemed to always have a baby doll under her shirt, "feeding" it as best she could do.  What started as merely a cute imitation has now morphed into something more, as Hannah has an incredibly neat motherly side to her.  She regularly asks to read to Sender and put him to bed at night or naptime.  When he wore diapers, she often changed him, even without us telling her to.  She loves serving in a Preschool Small Group in our weekend programming, choosing to forgo a fun time in Quest.

Paul called young believers to follow his example.  "And you should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ."  (I Corinthians 11:1).  Similarly, we are the primary models for our children, to demonstrate what a life in Christ looks like.  Consider how you are doing this, such as by putting first things first, and by serving.  The best way to be an example for your child is for you to follow and imitate Christ.

(To read more thoughts about calling others to imitate you, read this blog post.)  

How has your child imitated you, for better or for worse?

--  Joey Espinosa

God Speaks to Hannah

The other week, our daughter Hannah determined that she wanted to clean out a bunch of stuff from her room, to give to Goodwill.  Part of it was just for the sake of clearing out clutter, but she also wanted to give to others in order to be a blessing.  For example, I asked her if she wanted to give her Barbie set to a younger girl that she knows, and she asked "Does Goodwill help people?  Like when you buy things there, what do they do with the money?"  I said that I think they provide job training, so that people can have jobs and provide for their families.  She said that she'd rather the toys be sold so the money could help people.

By Tuesday evening, she had collected a laundry basket FULL of clothes, toys, and stuffed animals, and was planning to gather more on Wednesday morning.  Before breakfast on Wednesday, she and I were reading our Bibles (she joins me three days per week at the table, as she does her ROAD Map Bible study).  As soon as she read her verses for the day, she said, "Hey!  This is exactly what I've been doing!"  The verses were 2 Corinthians 9:6-7, which encourage us to give freely and generously, in order to bless others.

Hannah thought it was a neat coincidence that what she had already been doing (collecting things to give away) was what she read about (and she was happy to have an easy application for the day's reading).  I told her that I thought what happened was a big deal.  How?  I explained that I think that it was the Holy Spirit who had spoken directly to her heart days earlier, and that this reading confirmed that it really was something that God wanted her to do.  Sometimes when we have thoughts in our head, we may not always know if they are from us or from God.  For the majority of us, most of the clear direction we receive from God is from Scripture and from a community of believers, not from Him speaking directly to us.  I rejoiced with Hannah and encouraged her that God spoke to her heart, and that she obeyed, and then God confirmed His words to her.

I have shared with my children the few times in my life that I heard directly from God, when He wanted to give me specific direction.  These include:

• During the closing days of my athletic career at Furman, in a difficult losing season, I asked God, "Why should I continue working hard?  I basically all finished here."  Immediately, I heard a voice in my head saying, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men" (from Colossians 3:23).  I later discovered how God used my time on the team to be a testimony for Him to others.
• More than 10 years ago, I was serving in a ministry that required hours of work every single weekend (Saturday night and Sunday afternoon), and could often get very monotonous.  I asked one evening as I was cleaning up, "God, how much longer will I be doing this?"  I heard Him say, "Just pour yourself out.  This won't go on forever."  Within a year, that ministry opportunity was completed.
• Two years into my marriage, I felt like God was wanting something more from me, to be able to pour myself out for a short period of time.  The immediate thought was "Mission Trip," which I had always been set against me doing.  But I took steps of faith and God kept opening doors.  In March 2003, I went on my first overseas mission trip to Nicaragua, an experience that such a blessing for me.

Have you ever heard God speaking to you to give you specific direction, which you obeyed, and then it was confirmed later to be exactly what He wanted you to do?

--  Joey Espinosa

Thoughts from Elementary Camp - Part 2

In yesterday's post, we heard from our Elementary Coordinator (who makes Camp happen each year for 3rd & 4th graders).  For me, what I have enjoyed more and more over the past few Camps is the group of leaders that we have had.  This year, 26 men and women sacrificed a weekend's worth of time and sleep, in order to help reach the hearts of the next generation.  I saw them having fun with the kids, teaching Biblical truths, engaging kids on a heart level, and even addressing behavior issues clearly and directly.  I was especially thankful for the example that the men set; as Nicky pointed out yesterday, it is so crucial that men and boys take a leadership role.  I told our leaders that it was interesting that it was Father's Day weekend; the culture tells us that Father's Day is about being served and receiving gifts, but here were 26 leaders (dads, moms, and men and women without children of their own) who poured out for the sake of Christ's name.  That, in my opinion, is what Father's Day should be about.

Additionally, I love seeing how leaders from different campuses and services come together for one purpose.  It gives a chance for leaders to meet other leaders and connect, which helps to show that even with multiple campuses, we really are one church.

Here are quotes from some of the leaders (some of whom, like me, had a child at Camp) about their experience from this past weekend:

"[My son] has a much better understanding of Jesus as the "Substitute" for his punishment and only way to salvation. . . .  As his father, I can never tell you how much I appreciate what you have done to help my son get to this point in his young life."  Tim B., Worship Leader

"It was an honor and privilege to be part of ministering to those kids.  It was like a recharge for the soul."  Joe L., Small Group Leader

"I had an absolute blast with my girls! They loved worship time as well and it showed on their faces. . . .  Just like my girls, I wish we didn't have to wait a whole year to come back; however, that is part of what makes camp so special."  Kathe G., Small Group Leader

"The childrens worship was amazing this year!  My girls were practicing their moves to "Ain't No Rock" before bed on Saturday. . . .  Also, they were all hoping to get to sing "Prince of Peace" on Sunday and were talking about it before breakfast.  They were so excited when we sang it."  Tresh C., Small Group Leader

"I really enjoyed being a part of so much -- being in funny skits, catching frogs with boys, sitting under a tree and talking with a group of girls that I know from Quest."  Jeremy W., Small Group Leader

"I truly enjoyed being with the kids and getting to know quite a few of them.  I see many of them on Sunday morning, but don't have a lot of time to talk or even learn their names.  I felt like all of the adults really came together and were able to relate to one another."  Shylah P., Coach and Big Group

 "The girls in my cabin said their favorite part was small group time.  They all asked a lot of good questions, and they seemed to be soaking up a lot."  Maggie E., Small Group Leader

"I got to build community with other leaders. . . .  It was great to hang out with kids one-on-one."  Dan W., Small Group Leader

"First, it was great to see some of the kids really thinking about what we were talking about and asking really good questions. . . .  Second, I really enjoyed getting to know several of the counselors that I had not met or spent much time with before.  I did get the sense of "team" with the focused purpose of loving and shepherding these kids.  It reinforced the emphasis Grace puts on shepherding the next generation and the lasting impact that it will have."  Scott W., Small Group Leader

This was my first year as a "Camp Dad," as Hannah had her first camp experience.  I loved being able to see her be with her Sunday morning Small Group for 2 full days.  She enjoyed every bit of camp, which she has been anticipating for about 20 months now.  I asked her if it was as good as she expected, and she replied, "Better."  I'm thankful for the staff and volunteers that made this experience possible for her.

--  Joey Espinosa, Pastor of Children & Families

"How Do We Know That God Is Real?"

Last week, we returned from vacation, after seeing some family in the Midwest.  We took advantage of this opportunity to visit some attractions that we had some free passes to (and yet we still wind up spending nearly $50 at each place on small lunches and rides).  We went to the Creation Museum in northern Kentucky, where we enjoyed great exhibits, a planetarium show, a nature walk, and hand-feeding a camel.  On the trip home, we stopped at the Knoxville Zoo for a day (it's free admission with the Friends of Zoo membership).  It's a great zoo, with camel rides, a great kids area, and a nice variety of animals.

My favorite part of the trip was when we were walking through the Creation Museum, learning about and discussing history from a biblical perspective.  At one point, my always-inquisitive 6-year-old son Elijah asked, "Dad, how do we know that God is real?"  I paused and asked him, "Do you think God is real?"  He replied, "Yes, but only because you say He's real."  What a great, honest answer, and it reminded me of how much he looks up to me, and how much I need to set the spiritual and leadership tone in our house. 

I told him that he's right in that I believe in God, but that one day he would have to believe in God for himself, not because his Daddy believes in God.  He again asked, "But can I know that He's real?"  I told him the reasons that I believe in God:

1. Creation.  It just makes sense that everything in the universe exists because there is a Creator.  It all could not have happened by itself.  As a former scientist (B.S. in Biochemistry, and M.S. in Organic Chemistry, and working as a chemist for almost 10 years), this is a topic that I have questioned and studied a lot, since I became a follower of Jesus at the age of 19 (my 15th "spiritual birthday" will be on July 31). 
2. Jesus' Resurrection.  Historical evidence shows that Jesus' tomb was empty, and the best explanation is that He came back to life.  When someone dies and comes back to life, I'm going to pay attention to everything He says. 
3. My Experience.  I told Elijah that even if the proof of creation and the resurrection didn't point to God being real, I would still believe in God.  I believe in Him based on everything He has done in my life, especially over the past 15 years.  This last point is huge for me.  As a scientist, I don't like to make decisions without empirical evidence, but I cannot deny the grace and power that He has shown in my life. 

He seemed satisfied with my answers (though, honestly, I felt like I fumbled through it).  I gave him a big hug, and praised him for asking such a great question.  I pray that he would always be comfortable asking me questions like that. 

-- Joey Espinosa

Shepherding Our Future Man Sender

After talking about our vision and adventure for our family as a whole, I also posted our thoughts about shepherding Hannah and Elijah over the next 10 years.  Last but not least, I will summarize our thoughts about Sender.

In 10 years, Sender will no longer be some high energy, "crazy" 3-year-old; he'll be a crazy 13-year old!  Like a typical third child, he desperately wants to have the same freedoms as his brother and sister.  Our job as parents is to only give him the freedoms that coincide what he is able to be responsible for.  It is too easy for us to "open the funnel too wide;" we must remember that this will only lead to frustrations, for him and for us.  (On the other hand, by watching and imitating his siblings, he has picked up on some things faster than they have.)  There is no doubt that our three children have very different personalities and gifts.  Therefore, we have been intentional to discuss each child's strengths, God's call for them, and what applications we intend to implement over the next year.  I've already gave my thoughts for the other 2, and in this post I will outline our ideas about Sender.

Strengths and Gifting.  The name "Sender" is from a the Hebrew form of Alexander, which means protector.  (Alexander was the name of my Jewish grandfather, who died when Hannah was just 6 months old.)  Since he was born, I have prayed that he will always be a protector of others.  Well, it seems that his physical attributes and personality may fit those prayers.  At every age of development, he has been bigger than either of his siblings, and he is the most rough and tumble of our three kids.  For example, just today, he was jumping from the couch to the ottoman to my back as I was laying on the floor.  Also, a couple of months ago I accidentally kicked him in the head with a soccer ball; he was sent sprawling, but quickly got up and told me to do it again.  He is outgoing, loves to play, and seemingly has no fear.  And he cracks us up with his slapstick humor, like running full speed into closed doors.  Like a typical preschooler, he struggles with being obedient.  This, of course, stems from his sin nature, but is made worse by us giving him too many freedoms.

God's Call.  I've already outlined a core definition of manhood in the post about Elijah.  I won't repeat it in full here, but I will give the language that we use for biblical masculinity.

1. Reject Passivity
2. Accept Responsibility
3. Lead Courageously
4. Expect God's Reward

Applications.  Here are some ways that Joanna and I are trying to help Sender become the man that we think God wants him to be:

1. Begin to use the language of what it means to be a man (as given above).  He won't understand it all, of course, but it's important for him to begin hearing the language. 
2. We need to be more consistent in disciplining him.  He needs to learn that God wants him to obey and follow, and it's up to us to be the primary agents in this.  Sender can never be the leader God wants him to be unless he learns to submit himself to authority now.  Watch this video, from Pastor Bill White, from a question we received at the Future Men event (October 30, 2009). 
3. Going along with this, we need to give him clear and narrow parameters and boundaries.  At this point in his life, he needs virtually zero options.
4. Help him grow in understanding of who God is, through consistently teaching him from God's word.  This can be done with a good storybook Bible, through discussing our Preschool Curriculum (which focuses on the attributes of God), and even just non-structured talking about a biblical perspective on life (as described in Deuteronomy 6). 

Thoughts or questions?

--  Joey Espinosa

Homemaking Internship

Carolyn Mahaney has written a great article called Homemaking Internship (you can also view and print the article as a pdf on that site), published in the Journal for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.  She views marriage as a sort of "profession," for both men and women, with skills to be learned. As opposed to most professions, "we aren't forbidden from marrying simply because we aren't prepared."  We believe that parents are entrusted by God with the responsibility to prepare their children for adulthood.  Since most people will be married at some point in there lives, this is not an area that should be overlooked.

As I previously discussed in Shepherding Our Future Woman, Joanna and I are intent on helping Hannah become the woman that God wants her to be.  In particular, Joanna wants Hannah to know "the joys of being a wife, mother, and homemaker. . . .  We must tell our daughters of the sacrifices that homemaking demands -- but also of the unsurpassed rewards it offers."

What are some specific homemaking skills that we can teach our daughter, so that she can care for and help her family?  It is a very diverse list!  (And please don't think that I'm saying every woman needs to be an expert in all these skills, any more than I believe that every man should know how to grill a steak or change the oil in his car; I can't do either.)

1. General management and organization of the home
2. Nutrition and health
3. Decorating capabilities
4. Childhood development and education
5. Finances and budget

I encourage you to read the full article.  Please let me know what you think -- comments, criticisms, and questions.  What other skills does a homemaker need?

--  Joey Espinosa

Shepherding Our Future Man Elijah

As we did with our "future woman" Hannah, Joanna and I discussed our vision and desires for our two "future men," Elijah and Sender.  In this post, I will summarize our thoughts for Elijah, and in a couple of weeks I'll discuss Sender.

We are trying to picture what Elijah will be like in the year 2020.  He will be 16 years old, so instead of being a skinny little boy (he's very cute, but don't call him that!), he could be a hairy, deep-voiced, driving teenager!  Of course, while we don't know what the next 10 years may hold, we do want to shepherd and train him according to how we believe God has gifted him (Proverbs 22:6).  As I did for Hannah, I will outline his gifts, God's call for him, and what applications we plan to implement over the next year.

Strengths and Gifting.  The name "Elijah" means Yahweh [the LORD] is my God.  It is a bold statement, especially in this post-modern culture, and since he was born, I prayed that he would always know and stand for the truth about  God.  He is a good, deep thinker and absorbs the nuggets of theology that he is taught.  He is great at math and loves science (maybe he'll be a chemist like his Daddy).  Being a middle child, he shows good flexibility in either playing with his older sister (they could play together all day and then want a "sleepover," where they'll talk for another hour or two), or playing with his younger brother (trains, puppet shows, or just plain wrestling).  Much like his dad, he struggles with feeling the need to be right and technical about everything; he and I both have that major pride issue.  As a typical middle child, he hates being overlooked and left out.  He is probably the most emotional person in our family (when he's not overly-serious), and sometimes has a hard time controlling his emotions when he gets hurt (physically or emotionally), but he has definitely grown in his self-control.

God's Call.  It's awesome to know that God created Elijah in His image.  As I've learned from Men's Roundtable and other teaching at Grace Church (sermons, Future Men, etc), biblical masculinity reflects God's nature.  We have a core definition of what biblical manhood is, and how we think it applies to Elijah.

• Reject passivity.  Men, as a whole, tend towards passivity.  God created us to lead and to engage the world and people around us, but we tend to slide towards passivity.  Instead of avoiding responsibilities, we must run towards the battles in life (see I Samuel 17:48). 
• Accept responsibility.  As a man, Elijah must learn to own burdens and responsibilities, to wear that "pack" so to speak.  He needs to be able to recognize what needs to be done, and then act on it (like seeing that the recycling needs to be taken out).  We must help him learn that he must respond when we or anyone speaks to him, and to have self-control before he acts (he is responsible to control his emotions and actions).  Hard work is a part of being a man.
• Lead courageously.  In the concept of leading courageously, I like to imagine an army commander leading others in the field.  Leading may cause us to lose our life (at least metaphorically), and will at times cause us to fear, but we must move forward despite our emotions.  I want Elijah to know that his life is not at all about him, but all about serving God and loving others, no matter what the cost.
• Expect God's reward.  Men who read these first three definitions (which overlap with each), may wonder if it's worth the cost.  I want Elijah to know that even if he pours his life out, even if he is abused and taken advantage up, even if he gives up all his desires, that the end reward is worth it.  God's eternal rewards far outweigh all of life's hardships (2 Corinthians 4:17).  Like the apostle Paul, I want him to be poured out, to keep the faith, and receive God's reward (2 Timothy 4:6-8).

Applications.  Here are some ways for Joanna and I to help Elijah become the man that we think God wants him to be:

1. Explain and help him learn to apply the core definition of manhood.  Joanna has worked on some images to go along with the 4-part definition, and I plan to share those in the future.
2. Help him learn to work more, like helping to make dinner, cleaning-up after dinner, being responsible for our recycling, etc.
3. Help him learn and apply God's word.  I already have him drawing pictures in a "journal" about what he learns each week in his Preschool Small Group.  This summer, I want to help him start coming up with a specific application for each week as well.
4. I have been pushing on him to be a model and a leader for Sender.  I call out a lot of his behavior based on how it affects Sender.  When we were potty-training Sender, I made it Elijah's responsibility to remind Sender to go to the bathroom when he woke up.  I want Elijah to feel a burden of responsibility for others, and this can start with his brother.

Thoughts or questions?

-- Joey Espinosa

Shepherding Our Future Woman

It’s hard to believe that Hannah will be 9 later this year. In light of this, Joanna and I spent time earlier this year discussing our vision for our children, where we would like them to be over the next 10 years and what we need to do to help get them there. (This went along with our discussion on Adventure for our family.)  In 10 years, Hannah could be a freshman in college!  We discussed things like her strengths and gifts, God’s call for her as a reflection of His image, and what specific applications we can implement this year.

Strengths and Gifting. The name “Hannah” means grace. Since she was born, I have prayed that she would be a giver of grace and a blessing to others. Even in a first year of life, a mom we respect told us that Hannah would be sensitive and come to know Christ at a young age; she was right on the money. Hannah loves being at home, and is very motherly. She practically single-handedly taught Elijah to read, she loves to help take care of younger cousins and other friends, and she figured out on her own how to change Sender’s diaper. She is very creative, whether in arts and crafts, or with the colorful outfits she puts together. Like her dad, she struggles with being “wise in her own eyes” (Proverbs 3:7), and with pride and self-sufficiency. But overall, she is very compliant. She is OK at math, and mostly likes science when it involves projects. Sometimes (again, like her dad) she struggles to communicate her feelings, as she bottles it up inside her.

God’s Call. God created Hannah in His image. That is, in her femininity she has been created to reflect His nature. We at Grace Church are delving deeply into the issue of gender. From over 8 years of Men’s Roundtable, we have a solid language of what Biblical manhood is. Over the past year, leaders at Grace Church have focused more and more on honing the language of Biblical womanhood. We’re not there yet, but for the moment, we’ll use the language that Joanna and I came across years ago.

• Embrace God’s calling. We must help her know that she was created with unique gifts that she must use to bless God’s kingdom. We feel that part of this involves nurturing the next generation, possibly through children of her own, but definitely through the local church.
• Reject the world’s temptation for significance. We want her to know that her value must never depend on material things, which is what the culture will tell her. A focus on clothes, money, friends, and even status will never satisfy her or glorify God. We want to disciple her to pursue modesty, and to respect and respond to authority. 
• Expect God’s reward. Above all, she must learn to trust in Christ. In life, she will experience hardships, unkindness, and even abuse. We must not aim to merely protect her from these things. Instead, we must help her to know that in all these hardships, she should rejoice, knowing that in suffering she has the privilege of identifying with Christ. Furthermore, instead of receiving temporary earthly rewards, she gets to receive eternal rewards from the One who died for her sake. Our goal is to shepherd her towards a gospel-oriented life, with her perspective centered around the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus.

Applications.  Here are some things for Joanna and I to do this year:

1. Explain to her the core callings and definition of a woman, and why we think they are important.
2. Increase her responsibility around the home, so that she can acquire useful skills for life (load dishwasher, help make dinner, clean up after dinner, laundry)
3. When she does her ROAD Map Bible study, I will start to give her less guidance
4. Give her more opportunities to serve others, such as in our Preschool ministry, HOG Day, etc.

Thoughts or questions?

-- Joey Espinosa

Passover Seder - Part 2

We hope you all had a worshipful Easter.  Here are some more links, as a follow up from last weekend's Camp Grace Passover Seder.

1. Here are some pictures of the Seder from one of our services. 
2. If your child was out of town, he can get the Smore Card and ROAD bookmark from our website, so it can be completed and returned to his class this coming weekend. We will resume with our normal programming this week.
3. I've had two different people make me aware of these, so I feel that I have to let you know. You can buy Passover Plagues Finger Puppets (if not from this site, then just google it). This would go well with my reenactment (for my own kids, not in Camp Grace) of the slaying of the Passover lamb and putting blood on the doorway; I used a stuffed animal sheep, a toy sword, and a red bandana. It was great.

 --  Joey Espinosa

We (Wii) Went There

Over Christmas and New Years, our kids got to play a Nintendo Wii at the homes of family and friends, and they had been talking about how great it would be to have one. So, in the beginning on January, I promptly informed our kids that if they came up with half of the cost of a Wii, we would cover the other half. (Joanna was just as surprised as the kids.) They went right to work counting up what they had, and had over $40 (mostly money from recent birthdays and Christmas), plus a $15 gift card to Target.  It was well short of the $106 they would need (they, of course, had to pay for half of the sales tax), but not a bad start. At our bank, I started a separate savings account that we called the “Wii Fund.” By early March, they had enough, and we purchased our system at Target one Sunday afternoon.

How did they earn the rest of the money?  Here were their main avenues:

• Set up a lemonade stand on a surprisingly-warm February day
• Making and selling very creative Valentine’s Day cards
• A little bit of money as gifts for Valentine's Day (from grandparents)
• One tooth for the “Tooth Fairy"

In this process, we were really excited to see their character and attitudes, particularly with Hannah and Elijah. Probably the greatest part of this “project” was seeing them display honorable and Christ-like character.  For example, they . . .

• Didn’t whine or bug us with questions about when they would be able to buy it.
• Worked together as a team. Not once did any of them consider any portion of money more critical than another one’s contribution. It was always our Wii Fund.
• Earned money by working (lemonade stand, homemade cards)
• Turned down additional money from grandparents.  Hannah said, “My Daddy probably won’t let me take that.” Maybe that was true and maybe not, but I loved how she thought to honor me.
• Continued to tithe and save in long-term savings when they received money (versus just putting all the money towards the Wii Fund)
• Reacted with pure joy and gratitude when we took them to Target to buy it (they had no idea why we were there)

They have shown to be faithful with the little money that they have. Even with birthdays and Christmas in 2009, they expected to and had no problem with spending money out of their own piggy banks to buy gifts for others, and to give and tithe. We are now considering giving them more to be faithful with, and more responsibility (Matthew 25:21; Luke 16:10).  Specifically, we’re thinking of giving them a small amount of a monthly allowance, and see if they continue to be faithful to give and save, along with having an allotment to spend. But we know if they prove unfaithful, we will remove even the little that they have. 

Do you give an allowance to your children?  What age were your children when they started?  Are there any strings attached?

Pigeonholing the Preacher's Daughter

Last year, I was joking about something with another pastor on staff, and I referred to my wife, Joanna, as being a “PK” (preacher’s kid). He finally stopped me and said, “You realize that you have three PK’s yourself, don’t you?”  I definitely had not thought about that, and I felt the weight of the moment. Growing up in a small town in the south, it was easy to see the pressures that a child of a pastor could feel. (And I am not the most sensitive person, so if I could see it, it must be true.)  People come with their own expectations towards PK’s.  In light of these thoughts, I really could appreciate this article from a preacher’s daughter. Here's an exert:

“[W]hen it comes to stereotypes, Christians don’t do halfway. Even if you don’t fit neatly into one box, people tend to put you there. Debate evolution just once in science class and you’re bona fide Bible-thumper. Date one questionable guy, and you’re the town harlot.”

What are your thoughts? 

--  Joey Espinosa

Fearing God

Not too long ago, I was reading through Matthew 10 to my older two children. When we got to verse 28, I asked them who Jesus is talking about that we should fear. They thought it was Satan. I explained that it's God alone who can destroy the body and soul; therefore we should fear Him. Elijah (always trying to rationalize) said, "Oh. I thought I was supposed to love God and fear Satan. I guess I'm supposed to fear God and love Satan." Right then, I knew I had my work cut out for me!

I tried to explain that loving God and fearing God actually go together. (They both gave me puzzled looks.) First, we turned to Proverbs 1:7, to see that fearing God is the key to wise living. Second, we discussed how none of us deserve to have eternal life, that we all deserve to receive eternal punishment in hell. (See last week's post on how God chooses some.) And without God's initiative, we can't even believe in and follow Him. So, we need to fear Him, knowing that from the beginning of time, our salvation has been completely in His hands.

I know I could not fully explain this concept of fearing God, and they don't have a full understanding of why it's a good thing to fear God. But then again, I'm not sure if I completely understand it either.

-- Joey Espinosa

Our Adventure

As explained over the last few days, our Adventure is to equip the next generation through serving and exhortation, in our family, our church, our culture, and our world. I want to be clear that we are trying hard to make sure that this is not just some “good deeds” that we are doing for our own desire. Rather, we feel that this adventure has already been set in motion by our Lord, and we just want to join His plan and do our part. This is all about the gospel of Jesus Christ; we want our lives to be a reflection of the grace and mercy that He has shown us. In our adventure, we want to grow in our trust in Him, and to spread the message of His gospel.

Does your family have a central and driving vision? What is your adventure about?

-- Joey Espinosa

Adventure: Our Culture & Our World

I’ve already discussed how we want to equip the next generation in our family and our church, as part of the adventure that God has for us. Now I’ll discuss two other areas.

3.  Our Culture. Not only should we pour into the children in our family and our church, but we feel that God has given us tools and experiences that we can share with others. From a staff perspective, we want to help other churches’ children’s ministries. We have had a significant increase in the number of questions and contacts from other churches (across the country and even from other countries!) over the past year. With regards to our own family engaging the culture, we are trying to prayerfully discern how we can make our resources (time, money, “stuff”) available, such as by mentoring young singles and couples, giving, opening our home, and possibly fostering and/or adoption.

4.  Our World.  How can we impact and disciple children of the world? This is more challenging logistically than the other three areas, and is an area that we’re still trying to figure out how to be involved in. Mission trips through Grace Church have been a great opportunity; I have been to Nicaragua (March 2003) and Kenya (November 2007), and Joanna is about to go to the Bahamas in May. We have also supported overseas missionaries, given money (as a family activity) to organizations like Samaritan’s Purse, and have supported a child through Compassion International for over 10 years.

I’ll summarize all these thoughts tomorrow.

--  Joey Espinosa

Adventure: Our Family & Our Church

The Adventure for our family involves children.  Yesterday I laid out the overview of what this looks like, and over a series of posts, I want to go into more detail on the different arenas that we can equip the next generation for a life in Christ, namely our Family, Church, Culture, and World.

1. Our Family.  God has called us to disciple and shepherd our own children. We want to equip them to become mature followers of Jesus Christ. Of course, this is ultimately a work of the Holy Spirit, but we have a responsibility to share with them the grace of God, and to teach and model to them what a spiritual life looks like. God has given that call primarily to parents, not to the church, school, or anything else. One day, if God wills it, we desire to come alongside our own children as they disciple their own children (our grandchildren). What a joy and reward it would be to have a godly lineage!
2. Our Church. There are two main ways that we want to reach the hearts of children at Grace Church: through equipping parents and through our weekend programming. (You can read about our church’s tension between these areas here.) We can help equip parents through our personal relationships, and through leadership over and participation in equipping events and conferences. As for our weekend programming, Joanna and I have been serving with children at Grace Church since even before we dated. Then we served together for years, and after a while, we were asked to take on more and more leadership roles. And by January 2007, I joined the church staff as the Pastor of Children & Families. We have been continually passionate about how our church can reach the next generation through Children’s Ministry programming and volunteers.

Tomorrow, we will look at the other two areas through which we want to equip the next generation.

--  Joey Espinosa