ParentLink - Hosted at the Pelham Campus May 21st

Parents of kids of all ages, don't miss the second offering of Parent Link...a Quarterly Parenting Conversation on May 21 at the Pelham campus.

Parenting in today's world is one of the most difficult things we are called to do.  If you're anything like me, you have more questions than answers, and "HELP" is the daily (sometimes hourly) cry of your heart. Parent Link is an offering for parents with kids of ALL AGES who want to hear from others in their shoes.  Relevant and current topics will be addressed candidly as we hear from a panel of seasoned parents who have learned much from their past successes and failures.  

Join parents from each of our campuses as we tackle some tough issues and grow together towards loving and leading our kids toward Jesus.  This parenting conversation is being offered quarterly this year, continuing with our second gathering on Monday evening, May 21, at 6:30 PM on the Pelham campus. 

Why I as a Christian celebrate the Passover - Part II

This is the second of three posts on The Gospel in the Passover Seder, written by Amy
Ramseur, a member of our church and volunteer with Children's Ministry.  Here is Part I if you have not yet read  it.

So now, let us return to the meal as it is celebrated today. Now that the home has been ridden of leaven, the meal is prepared. The Seder is the ritual or traditional meal composed of symbols of slavery, rescue and redemption, intended to teach the children about the Lord’s provision and promise (Exodus 12:26). In the midst of it, a lavish meal is served to the family. The ceremonial Passover meal is centered around the Seder plate, usually a plate with six divisions for each of the symbolic foods:
1) the roasted shank bone of a lamb, representing the Passover lambl
2) a hard-boiled egg, symbolizing new life and hope

3) bitter herbs
- parsley, representing the misery of life in Egypt
- horseradish, or "maror", a symbol of the bitterness of slavery
- charoseth, a sweet mixture of apples, cinnamon, honey, possibly nuts and raisins, representing the mortar and bricks the Israelites were forced to use to build for Pharaoh and the sweetness of the coming redemption
And then there is the matzo or unleavened bread and the four glasses of wine or grape juice.
A very specific order is followed in the partaking of the Seder, known as the Haggadah. For our purposes we will only make note of some of the significant moments during the reading of the Haggadah and the partaking of the Seder meal.
Candles are lit to set the evening apart from all others. Then the head of the family, serving as the leader of the Seder, raises the first glass of wine, known as the Cup of Sanctification and after his blessing, everyone drinks. Jesus would have led His disciples in this blessing.
Next comes the ceremonial washing of hands – or perhaps only the fingertips of the leader. Here Jesus took ceremony a step further and in an act normally devoted to a servant, stooped and washed the feet of His friends. "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you…not servant is greater than his master…Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them." John 13Bitter herbs dipped in salt water are eaten next, a reminder of the Red Sea parted for the Israelites’ escape and the herbs themselves point to the new Nation God was establishing for Himself.
Next follows a curious tradition (added perhaps sometime after the 13th century), though for us it seems to shout of a truth that is difficult to miss! Three pieces of matzo, or unleavened bread, are placed on the table and are referred to as a "Unity". (To believers this clearly represents the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit.) It is important to note that prior to being baked the unleavened dough is pierced (to prevent it from rising) and the browning marks from baking give it the appearance of being striped. The middle matzo is broken into two pieces and one portion of these is placed in a white napkin or a special white bag. This is known as the "aphikomen", which the leader then hides while the children are not watching. We will see this aphikomen, which means "that which comes last", later at the closing of the meal. But already, what images have been stirred in your mind regarding this aphikomen? This bread has no leaven. Recall that leaven is a picture of sin in Scripture. Jesus was without sin. The appearance of each piece of matzo may have caused you to recall Isaiah 53:5, "He was wounded for our transgressions…And by His stripes we are healed." The fact that the middle matzo, which we see could represent the Son, is broken and hidden away for a time, only to be revealed at a later moment!

- Amy Ramseur, Children's Ministry Volunteer

Young Men's Roundtable - Registration is open

 
Young Men's Roundtable is a parenting opportunity for fathers and sons (5th-8th grade) that will be starting up in just under a month.  As a staff, we are excited about the opportunity it brings to our families and to our young men.  Registration is currently open and can be found on the Men's Roundtable site.     Young Men's Roundtable is a four-week opportunity for our young men to learn about God’s design for authentic masculinity in a relevant and age appropriate fashion.  It is designed to equip your young men with some tools and language for Godly decision-making and healthy choices.  It is also an opportunity for dads to engage their sons at a deeper heart level on some real issues, and to lend strength to the father/son relationship that is so vital to this season of a young man's life.


Date: Tuesday Nights, April 17th - May 8th
Time: 7pm - 8:30pm
Location: Pelham Campus - 2801 Pelham Road, Greenville, SC 29615

Remembering

We are a forgetful people.  You can read story after story in the Bible and see the trend...God does something amazing and maybe even miraculous, then God's people forget and do not believe Him to be trustworthy.  But when I reflect on my own life and the times God has shown Himself faithful to me, I forget, too.  As long as I'm here on earth, the battle to remember remains.

We must be intentional in our remembering.  The other week on the kids' S'more cards, after reading Joshua 4:19-24 one of the questions was: “Think about a time that God has been faithful to bring each of you through a difficult or uncertain circumstance.”  "What can you do to remember God's faithfulness?"   Which brings me to this idea that has helped our family.
A few years ago a friend forwarded an article from a Christian magazine with the idea to make a shadow box with different mementos that represent times you've seen God demonstrate his faithfulness to you as a family.  Her Faithfulness Box is really fun, and I love hearing the stories surrounding each symbol.  We started with this, too, but I found it difficult and time consuming to find little things to represent each time.


So we instead use thankfulness rocks now, or "Ebenezer stones". Our stones are not fancy; they're from a bag of river rocks. We simply write a word on the rock with a Sharpie, and that word represents a time we've seen God's faithfulness displayed.  I've tried to place our Ebenezer stones in a prominent place in our home, with the hope we can share God's stories with inquisitive guests.

We go through the rocks as a family every Thanksgiving. Some years we do it right before or right after. It's one of my favorite things we do. I just love adding a new rock.
What things have you done to help remember times God has been faithful to you?

Sara Fowler – Camp Grace Big Group Coach

Daddy Daughter Dance

Our world today is sending messages to our young women that are tragically far from the truth.  Beauty is defined only as what you see on the outside, and self-promotion is hailed as the way to get what you want out of life.  Fathers are equally confused about how to lead our growing daughters with strength and how to protect their hearts from the voices that threaten their unique feminine design.  Men's Roundtable is hosting an event that will give dads and daughters alike an opportunity to enjoy one another and be reminded of the beauty of God's design for each of us. 

This year's 4th Annual Daddy Daughter Dance promises to be a night to remember!  It is a perfect opportunity for dads to date their daughters and set the bar high for the future.  Dads are encouraged to start the night off right on a dinner date with your special girl (or girls), then finish strong with desserts and dancing at 7:00 PM at Larkin's Sawmill (directions).  Email us any questions you have and let us know how we can make this night perfect for you and your daughters.  And please feel free to invite anyone you think may be interested in joining us.  Can't wait to see you there!


Register online at www.mensroundtable.org/daddy-daughter-dance-2012.

Come join us at a new location:

Larkin's Sawmill at North Main
Friday, April 27th, 2012
Dance starts at 7pm

The Beauty of Her Heart

One of the things that I have found to be challenging in raising a future women is teaching and training a healthy view of beauty.  Since a very young age comments have been made by very well-meaning people about my daughter's appearance.  Things like:  “You are such a pretty girl”, “She is so cute”, “What a cute bow”.  Yes, she is cute but that isn’t the thing I want her to focus on.   Proverbs 21:30 says  Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,   But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.  As a mom, I want to focus on characteristics that will remain.

In the Ezer curriculum, we read that God creates women with a unique capacity to reflect His beauty and invite delight. 

“When we come to the nature of femininity, we find that God’s writing is not just in the sky, on the earth, and under the sea, but all the way down to the female DNA. Biblical femininity is uniquely designed to reflect God’s heart of invitation.  Women give voice at an essential level to God’s yearning desire to promote delight, welcome refuge, and catch the eye towards beauty.  Something about her person-hood is stamped with a desire to be looked upon with delight.  This can turn in on itself and become vanity, self-worship, or even exploited.  Nevertheless, in its original creation and redeemed condition, the inviting impulse beats right from the heart of its Creator - God.”

In an attempt to help teach balance to this topic, our family has used the following concrete, hands-on activity to start a dialogue around beauty and its right place in a girl or women’s life.

Admire the beauty created by God

Start with a heart shaped vase, filled with pretty cut flowers.  Admire the flower’s beauty, talk about how they are created by God to be beautiful.  Enjoy the way they add delight to the day, appreciate God’s workmanship in them. 

Recognize that the beauty fades

After the beauty has faded away, the heart remains

As the flowers continue to die and fade, take about Proverbs 31:30 and how beauty fades.  It will be evident to show how the flowers are not the same as they were and that this is true about our beauty.  Once the flowers die, the heart shape vase will be all that remains.  It will be a concrete way to share that we want to focus on the heart, we desire to appreciate that God has created us to reflect His beauty.  We should have a healthy respect that we are His workmanship, we were created by Him.  But that we should not allow it to become an idol, that we value our appearance over our heart.    

Enjoy this Valentine’s Day with your daughter.  Celebrate the beauty around you and remember to focus on her heart and her unique capacity to reflect God in a way that is uniquely feminine and uniquely hers.

- Lee Anne Cavin, Children's Ministry Director

Parent Link Invitation and Reminder!

Parents of kids of all ages, don't miss a great opportunity tomorrow night called Parent Link...a Quarterly Parenting Conversation.

Parenting in today's world is one of the most difficult things we are called to do.  If you're anything like me, you have more questions than answers, and "HELP" is the daily (sometimes hourly) cry of your heart.  Parent Link is a new equipping event offering for parents with kids of ALL AGES who want to hear from others in their shoes.  Relevant and current topics will be addressed candidly as we hear from a panel of seasoned parents who have learned much from their past successes and failures.  

Join parents from each of our campuses as we tackle some tough issues and grow together towards loving and leading our kids toward Jesus.  This parenting conversation will be offered quarterly this year, beginning with our first gathering on Tuesday evening, January 31, at 7:00 PM on the Pelham campus.  

Register (and submit your own questions) online at gracechurchsc.org/parentlink.  Don't miss this great opportunity to learn from scripture and from others who have gone before us on this great adventure of raising the next generation.  We encourage you to invite others and bring them with you (other parents, neighbors, friends, folks from work).  There is no charge for this event, but online registration is recommended.

 

- Ed Sweeny, Pastor of Families

Is our call greater than Carpe Diem?

Do you find yourself thinking there must be something more?  Are you living in survival mode, doing all you can to manage to get through the day?  We run from school, to work, to this practice or to a lesson, squeezing in dinner and homework here or there.  With demanding schedules driven by outside forces or our own desires for order and pursuit of the well-adjusted child, we can easily loose sight of our purpose and goals.  That raises the question, what is our goal?  Have we set a goal?  Our ultimate purpose as parents is to shape and prepare our children for a relationship with Christ, parenting today for the coming years and for an eternal future.

How can you be more tuned in to the reality of our ultimate destination?  Look for ways to incorporate Jesus into everyday life—and on an everyday basis. Read Deuteronomy 6 and ask God to give you insight into opportunities to point to Him throughout the day, in every opportunity.  Experience and communicate a sense of awe of His power with every sunrise, sunset, or rainstorm you encounter with your kids.  Evaluate if your schedule provides time for you to enjoy the gift of your children.  Use the tools sent home with your children from the weekend and talk about the attributes and principles they are studying during weekend services.  Parent Pages, S'more Cards and bookmarks can be found online at our website. 

Feel the freedom to seek God and do something different, do something intentional.  Be intentional with your choices, your time, and their energy. Arrange your plans around the big-picture goal. If activities start to interfere with what’s really important, reevaluate and rework your family’s schedule. When faith becomes the top priority for your family, it’ll also become the top priority for your children.  It may mean giving up a sport they have played for a couple years.  It may mean giving up one of your hobbies.  It may mean adding new activities to your calendar, intentional time to love, laugh and grow together.  Live it out, mirror His image, and maintain your eternal perspective and sense of awe in our Amazing God and share it with your family.

Are you seeking more encouragement in your journey of intentional parenting?  Join us, Tuesday, January 31st at Parent Link. http://gracechurchsc.org/parentlink

- Lee Anne Cavin, Children's Ministry Director

Your Kids and Baptism

As a father of three children, it is my constant mission to provide for each of them in the very best way that I can.  I am compelled to do everything in my strength and ability to give them all that they need for protection, direction, health, and success in this life.  But one thing I can not do for them is secure their salvation and give them a relationship with Jesus, their Lord and Savior. 

I want to.  I really wish I could.  I have tried.  But I can’t.  This decision...the most important decision our kids will ever make in their lifetimes...is theirs alone to make.  My role as a parent is to love them, lead them, pray for them, and live out what God is doing in my life.  But I will never have the power to control or manipulate what only God can do.  Only God can draw my children to Himself, and only God can save them.

Which brings me to baptism.  This coming weekend, we have an opportunity as a church to witness the saving power of our Lord in the baptism of believers.  Baptism services are always amazing.  It is a powerful thing to see and hear stories of how God has used others to point the way to Jesus.  It is powerful as well to see friends and families surround those who have chosen to trust Christ and celebrate with them.  But what is most powerful of all is the fact that God has moved and worked in people’s lives to redeem them.  God has done what was necessary to secure this salvation that each of us was made for.  God alone is mighty to save.  And this weekend, when we witness this powerful act at every service on every campus, God alone should receive the glory and the praise. 

As a parent, with children who are growing and learning and on the journey toward finding lifelong personal faith in Jesus, I have the privilege this weekend to give my kids a window into what God is up to in the lives of people.  When we watch the video testimonies, we learn that it is important to know what God is up and to be able to communicate what He has done.  When we watch each person go under the water, we get to see how important it is that our old self, with all it’s sin and selfishness, must die.  When we release our held breath as we see the splashing water and the rising believer come up, we can point our kids to the truth that though we must die, as believers we are raised up into new life with Christ.  We can watch together in that moment the reality that if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has gone and the new has come (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Now that is something I CAN do as a parent.  I can use the open window of baptism to give my kids a view into what God is really up to.  What a blessing that God gives us baptism as an outward sign of an internal reality that he has done the work sufficient to save us.  Be encouraged as you teach your children the truth that God alone can reach them and redeem them.  You can only point them toward him.

Additional Reading:
        Colossians 2:12
        Matthew 28:19-20

-Ed Sweeny, Pastor of Families

Your Kids and Communion

We began this new year on a Sunday, January 1.  At Grace, we typically celebrate Communion on the first weekend of every month.  So we began 2012 as a church with the Lord’s Supper, and since there was no elementary programming this past week, many of us had our children with us.  This may have presented you with an opportunity to teach and explain something that has been a vital part of Christianity since Christ’s final days in earth.  If your family is anything like mine, then you have lots more questions than answers, so I thought I’d stir the pot a bit on how to approach communion with your growing kids.

Communion is an ordinance (a public ceremony) instituted by Christ to serve as a continual remembrance of his saving death and as a means to draw us into fellowship and communion with him.  By taking the elements, we remember Jesus’ perfect, sinless life (the bread) and his redemptive sacrifice and blood (the grape juice) that paid the price for our sins.  These elements are symbols of the real truth that Jesus had to die in our place and was sufficient to do so.  If there is anything that we need to be intentional to teach our kids, this is it.  That all of us are sinners and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23), and that the price of our sin is death (Romans 6:23).  It is only as our children begin to understand this tragic truth that they can begin to understand and receive the great news of the Gospel...that their sins have been paid for by Christ’s death on the cross and that by his grace, we are redeemed and restored forever in the relationship we were made to have with him. 

As a parent, it is ultimately your responsibility to discern for each of your children when communion is appropriate for them and when it is not.  At Grace, we celebrate with an “open table”.  This means that anyone who has a personal relationship with Christ, those who have confessed and believed that Christ’s work on the cross was for their sin, can partake in Communion.  Believing children are welcome at the open table. Those who have not personally and publicly identified with Christ as their Savior should not be allowed to partake.  If this produces tension or questions from your child, then take advantage of this perfect opportunity to explain the Gospel to your kids.  This may be the moment that God uses to reveal himself personally to your child.  What a gift to get to be a part of his work in their life!

How good of God to give our church and our families a fresh start to this new year by allowing us to observe and remember the new life we have been given through his necessary death in our place.  Blessings to all of you parents as you probe the depths of our mysterious and amazing God with your growing and teachable children.  Let’s not miss any opportunity that he gives us to proclaim the truth of who he is and our deep need for him.

Ed Sweeny, Grace Church Pastor to Families

Future Women Conference: One Dad's Reflection

This past weekend, my wife and I attended the Future Women Conference along with almost 500 other parents, grandparents, and ministry leaders. Like most parents, we are not just looking to raise “good kids” who do not get into trouble, or even ones that know lots of answers to Bible questions. Instead we want to parent them in a Gospel-centered way that equips them to evaluate their own hearts, their relationships, and their culture in light of who God is and who we are in relationship to Him.

As a father, I also realize that I am accountable for how I shepherd my family. I did not grow up in a family or culture that thought this way, and it is a life-changing experience for me to be a part of a community that takes equipping the next generation, seriously. That all sounds lofty and altruistic as I write it, and in practice it is work...which requires a lot of thought and creativity in the moment. Sometimes I feel like I do that well, and other times I fail miserably.

There were several great take-aways from the conference, but one of the most significant “ah ha” moments for me came when Ed Sweeny said we need to take time to say “yes” to our children. I have felt that before, but could not have put words to it. There are days that I feel like all I say is “no,” followed by discipline, followed by more sayings of “no,” with a few “you know you are not allowed to do that” comments sprinkled in. I knew something did not feel right about that as it was happening, but if you asked, I could not tell you what it was. All I knew was it felt like I was beginning to exasperate them (Colossians 3:21), but did not know how to fix it.

Saying “no” is easy...especially for Dad. We carry a lot of weight, we are tired, we are also (thanks to the fall) predisposed to be passive, feel free to fill in your favorite excuse here. I realize as I am typing this that the days I am most short-tempered and most likely to be agitated are the days that I am least engaged with my children. It takes time and effort to say “yes.” It means I am going to have to close the laptop, not finish that email just yet, turn off the TV, and engage. I will have to ask questions, listen to the answers, and ask follow-up questions. Sometimes it is as simple as getting off of the couch and laying in the floor for 30 minutes while they use me as their trampoline.

“Yes” requires thought and creativity. It requires time and effort. It requires my best when I am feeling my worst. It requires me to evaluate the request and redirect it in a better direction.

Is “yes” always the right answer? No. But “no” is easy and I use it way too much.

- Rob Allen, Children's Ministry Staff

For more information about Men's Roundtable, click the image below.

 

Future Women Conference: One Mom's Reflection

Several hours after our daughter was born six years ago, my husband looks at me and says, “This one is different.” We’d had a whole year and a half of parenting a calm, compliant, easy-going little boy, and realized early on that this “sweet little girl” was going to be a whole new ball game.

So, when Grace announced they were hosting a Future Women Parenting conference, you can bet we were the first ones to sign up. Teach me how to raise a kind, loving, thoughtful girl? A teenage girl that will dress modestly, won’t gossip, or be mean to her “friends”? A teenager we will actually like? Yes, please, I would like the recipe for that.

I wanted to know exactly what to say when my 5-year old comes home from school and says, “Mom, I don’t like playing with Suzie because I don’t think she’s as pretty as Sally.” I needed answers.

And, honestly, I didn’t get all my questions answered with a simple, one size fits all answer. But, here’s what I did get:

• We need to first understand and embrace femininity as it was created by God. Only then can we parent our girls with purpose and direction.
• Our girls have been hard-wired by God to be relational. “Femininity is uniquely suited to find and meet need in the context of relationship.” It’s why, when they are playing with matchbox cars, my son will race them and fight with them, and my daughter names them and makes them into families. God created that, and it is good. I need to remember this when she is 12 and wants to text with her friends all day long.
• Modesty is about displaying your femininity in appropriate ways. I’m not exactly sure what to do with this, but it’s the best definition of modesty I’ve ever heard. And I’m guessing that’s going to be a big issue for us in a few short years.
• Her core sin is autonomy. It’s why she asks me (often), “Mom, why does DAD have to be in charge of our family?” And how important it is for me to answer her clearly and fully, and often. And know that she’s not just asking that out of curiosity. There is a sinful, rebellious heart inside her that wants to be in control of EVERYTHING.

So, maybe I didn’t get all the answers I was looking for. But, if I did, would I really need God as much? Would I look to Him, as the creator and author of my daughter’s story for help? Would I ask Him for wisdom in raising my daughter?

Maybe, I got more answers than I realized. Maybe, you did too.

- Braeton Beres, Children's Ministry Staff 

For more information about Ezer, click the image below. 

 

Register Now for Future Women!

 

Don't miss out on your opportunity to attend our Future Women Conference and become equipped with a theology, language, and practical application of what it looks like to raise the next generation of women!

Registration closes Wednesday, November 2nd, at 5:00pm!

Click here to register.

We have over 300 people signed up for far! Thank you to everyone who has signed up!

Future Women Conference

On November 4th & 5th, we will be hosting the Future Women Conference. We will be providing a language, theology, and practical application for what it looks like to raise the next generation of women. This conference is for anyone who is involved in some capacity with raising girls to learn what it means to reflect God in His image as a women, through the core capacities of nurturing, partnering, and inviting. We encourage all parents, grandparents, teachers, and leaders of girls and young ladies to attend this event.

Register for this event on our Future Women page.

Parenting: It's Never An Interruption

"Parenting is all about living by the principle of prepared spontaneity. You don't really know what's going to happen next...What you do know is that Scripture gives you the wisdom that you need and your always-present Messiah gives you the grace that you need to be ready to respond to the moments of opportunity he will give you. Along with this, you and I must remember that our Lord loves our children more than we ever could and his commitment to their growth and change is more faithful and persevering than ours could ever be."

The above excerpt is from a post on the Paul Tripp Ministries blog. The mission of Paul Trip Ministries is "connecting the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life. You can finish reading this post here. 

Paul Tripp is a well-known Pastor and author, President of Paul Tripp Ministries, in addition to Professor of Pastoral Life and Care at the Redeemer Seminary in Dallas, Texas and Executive Director of the Center for Pastoral Life and Care in Fort Worth, Texas. He is a co-author of the How People Change study, which many within our church community have taken part in.

What To Expect This School Year

As a mom and a teacher, I do look forward to a new school year. Its arrival brings a mixture of excitement about the possibilities and a little fear of the unknown. Even though we can’t anticipate the surprises this year will bring, there are four things that every parent can expect and embrace in order to help our children succeed:  

Successes and failures.
Children will experience both success and failures of varying magnitudes. It is a parent’s responsibility to maintain a big picture perspective. We shouldn’t be too puffed up about successes or too deflated by failures. Failure is often our greatest teacher and motivator. What a blessing a parent can be by coming alongside a child as he experiences the ups and downs of life. In his book Running the Rapids, Dr. Kevin Leman illustrates adolescence as a wild raft ride over white water rapids. School is sure to introduce a few bumps and turns along the ride. A child needs to know that mom and dad are in the raft with him, no matter how rough and crazy the ride becomes.

Teachable moments.
Education is more than learning multiplication tables and interpreting literature. It is preparation for life. Take advantage of every opportunity in your child’s life to mold his life skills and character. God is always loving and faithful in our lives – even through bad teachers, pop quizzes, embarrassing moments, hurt feelings, and playground fights. Pray that your home is a safe haven where you can apply God’s truth to every situation in your child’s life. 

Conflict – among parents, children, teachers, and peers.
Don’t be surprised when you experience it. Conflict is inevitable, but as Christians we have Biblical guidelines and examples to follow in dealing with it. May our children see Jesus in us as we train them to work through conflict with grace and wisdom.

This year will end.
Since a school year is a finite amount of time, it is perfect for setting goals. Think about what amazing things you or your children could accomplish in one school year. Maybe it is breaking a habit or developing a new one. If you begin with the end in mind, it helps you run your days instead of letting your days run you.

So it’s time to gear up for battle and prepare for success. What should my focus be for the school year? Can I really begin with the end in mind and succeed this year? Yes. Here are my favorite 5 P’s: 

1. Provide peace in your home. 
2. Pray, plan, prepare, but do not panic when plans fail. 
3. Prioritize and let some things go. 
4. People > productivity. 
5. Problems are merely opportunities for growth

- Susan LaFlam

Delivering Consequences

While at the 3rd & 4th grade camp at the end of June at Look Up Lodge, I observed some actions and conversations that sparked some ideas! I got to stay in a mainly rising fourth grade girls' cabin. I am going to school for elementary education, so this was a great experience for me to tie into that.

While walking around the camp, I overheard a lot of conversation among even some of the younger girls that was a real reality check for me. Some examples of what I heard were several girls talking about some very secular music and how they were getting access to it. Several of the girls were somewhat bragging about getting on YouTube when their parents weren't home, or sneaking this type of music onto their iPods and hiding it from parents. I felt that I was in a unique position; I felt the girls viewed me not quite as an adult because I am only twenty, but still respected me. With this being said, they were not as cautious to say these things in my presence. I took that opportunity to explain to them why it was wrong to not only listen to those types of artists, but to then hide it from their parents. A good piece of scripture to apply and share in this type of situation is Proverbs 13:1 "A wise child accepts a parent's discipline; a mocker refuses to listen to correction." Expressing this concept to your child can be extremely beneficial. Also, Proverbs 15:5 states, "Only a fool despises a parent's discipline; whoever learns from correction is wise." This displays the importance of understanding and accepting a parent's discipline.

This past Spring, I took a course on educational psychology at Clemson University by Dr. Brent Igo. The class focused mostly around the way children think, act, react, learn, and how we are to interact and deal with them. A section of the class that I was reminded of when I came upon these issues at camp was the topic of consequences - the different types of consequences and when to use them.

There are four main ways to deliver consequences: positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, positive punishment, and negative punishment.

1. Positive reinforcement - giving your child something to increase a behavior. For example, if your daughter has been struggling with her quiet time, you can give her a devotional plan to encourage increasing her quiet times. With this example, you want to try to avoid your child relying too much on you for guidance.
2. Negative reinforcement - taking something away from your child to then increase a behavior. An example of this would be if, like at camp, your child was hiding their music selections from you. You could take away their iPod to increase their obedience towards you.
3. Positive punishment - giving your child something to decrease a behavior. For example, if your son is showing a lack of respect and honor towards his counselor at camp, you can give you child examples of how he should have acted to decrease the bad behavior in return.
4. Negative punishment - taking something away from your child to decrease a behavior. This is probably the form that is most familiar with you. A common example of how this can put into effect would be if your child is disobeying your rules, you in return take away play time or friend opportunities to then decrease the disobedience.

Using these techniques, paired with scripture and supporting your children by being a good example of following Christ, can influence them and what they think more than you may realize. I strongly suggest having more specific and honest conversations with your child about these and other related topics. Also, I feel that giving personal examples when you have struggled with the same problem would be very beneficial. Follow up with ways to fix the problem by pointing your children closer to God through scripture and spiritual context.

Recommended Scripture:

Colossians 3:19-21 "Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly. Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged."

Ephesians 6:1-3 "Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. 'Honor your father and mother.' This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother, 'things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.'"

- Michelle Phillips, Children's Ministry Kairos Intern

Disciplined Parenting

Last weekend, Jeremy Keever taught on Proverbs 3:1-12 about disciplined parenting. He explained that we are given information to help us teach our children about God, which will in turn help lead them towards a transformed life. As parents, we cannot change the hearts of our children and make them love God, but we can provide an environment that models what it looks like to love God. He went on to explain that disciplined parenting has two main components - teaching and correction. We must use all of our resources to move our children towards heart change. We also need to recognize that discipline involves being intentional, verbal, and physical. All believers must discipline themselves to seek a life of godliness, and this trickles down to disciplined parenting in leading children to a life of godliness.

If you missed this teaching or would like to hear it again, check out his sermon below:

Jeremy also gave a list of excellent parenting resources during his sermon, and we have that list for you here:

• Shepherding A Child's Heart - Tedd Tripp
• On Becoming Baby Wise - Ezzo and Bucknam
• Don't Make Me Count To Three! - Ginger Plowman
• Wise Words For Moms - Ginger Plowman
• Age Of Opportunity - Paul Tripp
• Grace-Based Parenting - Tim Kimmel
• Big Truths For Young Hearts - Bruce Ware
• The Jesus Storybook Bible - Sally Lloyd-Jones

We hope these resources will help you as you seek to reach the hearts of your children, and the children in our church community.

Have questions? Know of any other good parenting resources? Leave us a comment!