Register Now for Future Women!

 

Don't miss out on your opportunity to attend our Future Women Conference and become equipped with a theology, language, and practical application of what it looks like to raise the next generation of women!

Registration closes Wednesday, November 2nd, at 5:00pm!

Click here to register.

We have over 300 people signed up for far! Thank you to everyone who has signed up!

Future Women Conference

On November 4th & 5th, we will be hosting the Future Women Conference. We will be providing a language, theology, and practical application for what it looks like to raise the next generation of women. This conference is for anyone who is involved in some capacity with raising girls to learn what it means to reflect God in His image as a women, through the core capacities of nurturing, partnering, and inviting. We encourage all parents, grandparents, teachers, and leaders of girls and young ladies to attend this event.

Register for this event on our Future Women page.

Future Men, Future Women

Two years ago, in October 2009, we hosted an event called Future Men. This event provided a language, theology, and practical applications of what it looks like to raise up the next generation of men. We had almost 400 parents, grandparents, and leaders attend. 

From our Men's Roundtable teaching, we taught the Biblical definition of manhood to be...

A real man is one who rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, and expects God's reward.

We also walked through 3 main stages of going from boys to men:

1. Authority. God's authority needs to be established, as well as the authority He's delegated to parents, teachers, and other leaders. When an authority tells a child to "do this," he needs to be taught to obey quickly, completely, and happily.
2. Responsibility. During this stage, your son needs to learn to "handle his deal." He needs to be challenged and respected.
3. Partnership. By this stage, you are no longer standing over your son, but you are standing alongside him.

You can view several video discussions that emerged from this event on our YouTube channel (search "Future Men") Several that might be of interest to you:

• Developing Leadership in Boys
• My Child Respects Our Authority But Not Others?

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Coming up on November 4th & 5th, we will be hosting the sister event to Future Men, appropriately called Future Women. Here, we will be walking through the language, theology, and practical applications of what it looks like to raise up the next generation of women. We encourage all parents, grandparents, and leaders of girls and young women to attend this event. Save the date, and stay tuned for more information about this event!

Is Your Son a Bully?

Here's another video of Bill White answering a question submitted at our Future Men event.  He explains that bullying is not leading; it is actually a form of passivity, which is the core struggle for all men.  We need to teach boys that "there is a greater reward . . . by engaging in a loving matter," not by being either passive or controlling. 

Watch the full video here, and see the other related videos here.

Parenting Conference

Due to a very limited amount of interest, we are canceling the Transitions Parenting Conference.  For those who had signed up and paid, we apologize for the inconvenience, and we will refund your money in full. Let us know if you have any questions.

Future Men Videos

For those who missed it, here's a full playlist of videos that were done in response to questions from our Future Men event last October.  Bill White answers the questions, with Scott Mozingo as the moderator. Some of the topics below are linked to previous posts, where a summary is given. The videos cover these principles:

1. Stages of Manhood
2. Developing Son's Leadership
3. Dealing with a Lack of Male Leadership
4. Respect for Authority

Any other questions?  Comment below (it can be anonymous). And make plans to attend our Transitions Parenting Conference on April 16-17.

Transitions Parenting Conference

We are having a parent equipping event on April 16-17, called Transitions Parenting Conference.  (You can read about more of the details on our website.)  You may be wondering if this is going to be similar to last year’s conference, or you may be wondering why we are calling it “Transitions.”  We’d like to explain our purpose in having this equipping event.

It is crucial that we are always looking ahead as we lead our children, not just over the next few months, but over the next year, and 2-3 years, and even 10 years.  We need to have a long-term vision for our children, instead of merely parenting in the moment.  For example, if you have a 2 year old, you need to be thinking about what you want him to be like at age 4 or 5.  If you have a 3^rd grader, you need to be parenting her to be a 5^th grader.  And if you have a young teenager, you had better be thinking about what it looks like to prepare him to leave the house.  This is what it looks like to shepherd your child from a kingdom-perspective. 

We want to help you in this process.  We will discuss some major concepts, and give guiding principles about how it applies to the specific “transitions” in your child’s life.  The three main transitions we will focus on are:

• Around age 5-6 (about the time the child begins school)
• Around age 11-13 (middle school years)
• Around age 16-17 (about the time the child gets a drivers license)

As you can see, this is a joint Children’s & Student Ministry event.  If you have a child anywhere from age 1-17, you should make it a point to be here.  This event is open to the public, so feel free to invite friends, neighbors, and family.  You can find more information and find a link to register on our website.  

Future Men Video -- Respect for Authority

Here's another video answer, this time to a question we've received last fall as a part of our Future Men equipping event.  "What's the best way to get a young boy to respect authority in general, and not just his parents?"  You can watch this videoed response from Bill White, and some related videos, on the playlist below.  If you have any other parenting questions, please let us know. 

Dealing with a Lack of Male Leadership?

Bill White addresses this issue to moms who are concerned about a lack of male leadership for their sons.  This can apply for situations where the father is emotionally-disconnected or ill-equipped, or where the father is physically-absent from the home. 

First, he cautions that we need to clearly understand what "spiritual leadership" actually is, which may involve moving away from some common viewpoints of this.  Second, moms in this situation need to not fear the lack of male leadership, but to trust in God. In humility, we need to live in repentant faith in our loving God, and not in proud unbelief.

What does a mom do, if she is parenting alone in the home?

1. She still needs to teach and encourage his son to be a man.
2. She needs to be connected to the local church.  Don't just attend, but be serve and be a contributor. 
3. She needs to respect her husband. 

Watch the video on our YouTube channel.

How Do I Help Develop My Young Son's Leadership Potential?

This question was submitted as part of our Future Men event.  Here is a video of Bill White's answer.  The question is in reference to the parent's 5-year old son.

Leave any comments or questions here.

Future Men - Stages of Manhood

In case you missed our Future Men event on October 30, 2009, we have a video of Bill White giving a summary of the key concepts, on our Grace YouTube channel.  "We want our parents to be thinking . . . that our little boys are future men."

From our Men's Roundtable teaching ("borrowed" from Robert Lewis), here is a Biblical definition of manhood: 

"A real man is one who . . . 

1. Rejects Passivity,
2. Accepts Responsibility, 
3. Leads Courageously, and
4. Expects God's Reward."
   

If this is what a real man looks like, how do we get there?  Bill walks us through the 3 main stages of going from boys to men.

1. Authority.  God's authority needs to be established, as well as the authority He's delegated to parents, teachers, and other leaders.  When an authority tells a child to "do this," he needs to be taught to obey quickly, completely, and happily. 
2. Responsibility.  During this stage, your son needs to to learn to "handle his deal."  They need to be challenged and respected.  
3. Partnership.  By this stage, you are no longer standing over your son, but you are standing alongside him.

You can download the full teaching on our website, either on our Children's Ministry site, or on the Grace Church teaching page (look under Equipping Events). 

What's next?

1. We have some video answers of questions that were asked about raising "future men" that we'll post over the next few weeks.
2. Mark your calendars for April 16-17, for our Transitions Parenting Conference.  It will be a Friday evening, Saturday morning event.  More details to come shortly!
   

Future Men Audio Available!

The audio for our Future Men event is now available online for free. You can get it off our teaching resources page on our main website (look under "Equipping Events"), or on the parents page of our Children's Ministry website (along with information about other useful resources).

Future Men

We had a great turnout for our Future Men event on Friday, October 30th. There were 392 parents, grandparents, and leaders who came to hear a language, theology, and practical applications of what it looks like to raise up the next generation of men.

We will post more information about this and other upcoming events, but in case you missed it, here's a video showing how NOT to raise future men.

Future Men Event

Q&A: "How do I explain to my child that it is not OK to hit, even though we spank our child for hitting?"

We had a panel of fathers at Grace Church give their thoughts on this question:


The key difference is the question "Why?" Why does your child hit another person? Usually, it is out of angry and self-centered motives, such as not getting his way or trying to get something that another child has. James 4 states that selfish desires lead to conflicts, and this behavior is equivalent to murder. No one ought to ever hit or attempt to hurt another out of anger or selfishness.

On the other hand, a parent must never spank a child in anger. Discipline must always be an act of love and care for your child (Proverbs 3:12), not an act resulting from frustration or anger. Spanking in anger does not bring about God's righteousness (James 1:19-20).

During any form of discipline, including spankings, your child needs to know that you are acting as God's agent, out of love for him. Through discipline, you must model the same love that our Heavenly Father has for us (Hebrews 12:7-11).

Q&A: "What are some good consequences to have in place for children who yell in frustration and/or anger?"

Thanks to Mark & Beth Selby, leaders at Grace Church and parents of three daughters. Mark taught on the topic of kindness at the Intentional Parenting Conference in January. Here are their thoughts:

Any outbursts of yelling, whether in anger or frustration, are a lack of self-control. This is an issue that needs to be addressed no matter what the age of the child . . . the earlier the better (not necessarily easier!).

If the child is an infant and begins whining or yelling, we would touch our finger to their mouth and give a firm "NO." Your goal at that point is for the child to associate the scream/noise with the consequence of mom or dad's tone change in "NO." Occasionally, we would finger flick the cheek (not hard!) to sort of "shock" them into associating the behavior with the response. There are times when a child cannot gain self-control (especially at a public place); you will need to remove them, whether to a restroom or out of the building. The child should be instructed that they cannot return to the table, playing, etc., until they have demonstrated self-control. They need to understand that losing self-control has consequences.

The technique we found to be most helpful when our girls were toddlers was the folding of the hands. When they began to have a meltdown, we would have them look us in the eyes and fold their hands together and use the term "gain self-control." If they were old enough, we would physically hold their hands together until they could compose themselves enough to express what was frustrating them. Your goal should be for the child to be able to calmly tell you what is making them angry or frustrated. Making eye contact, holding their folded hands, having them take a deep breath, and then truly listening to why they are so frustrated gives them a huge sense of self-worth. They know you care enough to listen, as long as they can communicate in a calm, acceptable manner.

If your child is older, past the age of 4-5, you have opportunities to talk about self-control. We cannot emphasize enough how important it is to be pro-active; talk about self-control with your children. Give them examples, talk about it in times of non-conflict so that they have a frame of reference if/when they do lose it. Give them very clear parameters with very clear consequences. Example: "Hailee, if you choose to yell in anger at your sister, you will not be able to have Rachel come over to play tomorrow. Do you understand?" If the child says "yes" and later loses it with her sister, the consequence has already been put before her.

Q&A: "How do I deal with family members who don't have enough boundaries set for their children? I don't want to seem like we are mean parents."

Thanks to Mike & Tracy Collins for answering this question. Here are their thoughts:

Our first thought is to check your boundaries to make sure they aren’t overly strict. Ask a trusted friend/mentor about specifics. Looking back, we were too strict on some issues.

If you feel you are balanced in your boundaries, then your main priority in any situation is representing Christ. We represent Christ in our marriages by how we treat one another, to our children by disciplining them with both love and firmness, and to our families by being humble & gentle (Ephesians 4:2).

Ask yourself, why is this an issue? Are their children making yours misbehave? If so, your responsibility is to parent your child through the situation with the boundaries you’ve established for your family, not worrying about what other family members think. However, if your issue is that your family members need to parent with better boundaries (which very well may be true), you need to check your motives because you could be perceived as being prideful. Remember that your goal is to represent Christ, and you do that by being a humble example as you lovingly parent your own children.

Several years ago we were perceived as being too permissive with our children by some close friends. Our two families were sharing a beach house for the week. By the time we left, the difference over parenting styles had caused tension and distance between us. The one thing we did not do was have an honest conversation, which would probably have kept us as close friends. Being open and up front can often avoid hurt feelings.

One of the main things to keep in mind is your goal in parenting – a changed heart. In many cases, God uses these opportunities to change our hearts as parents! This may be an area where God is giving you the opportunity to represent Him through loving your family members, being patient with them where they are, and allowing Him to change them.

Q&A: "How do you know when a young child is ready to accept Christ? Our 4-year-old is asking questions about asking God into his heart?"

This question was answered by Bill White, one of our pastors and elders:

I have to confess that I first thought this would be a fairly easy question to answer. I thought I would throw out a few biblical concepts interspersed with a couple of personal illustrations and be done with it. It hasn’t turned out that way. I’m 3 weeks overdue, our Children’s Pastor is breathing down my neck, and I realize that I can’t possibly answer the question in 250 words or less. So as we begin let me recommend that you take time to download some teaching we did on this subject last spring as it will give you a more thorough answer than is possible here. With that being said, here are 4 suggestions for parents of young children who are struggling with this question.

1. Let’s move away from the language “accepting Christ into my heart” and use the biblical language of believing and repenting. We need to call our children to believe that they are sinners who are estranged from God by their sin and that God has made a way for their sins to be taken away by the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. If they believe this then they will repent of their sins and follow Christ.

2. Don’t think of your child’s conversion as a one time prayer but as an ongoing work of God’s grace that will become increasingly clear with the passing of time. Neither you nor your child should feel pressure to “settle” this issue before the Holy Spirit has made it clear. On the other hand we should never discourage our children from coming to Christ because they are young. Faith is not an intellectual exercise but a spiritual exercise. This means that your child’s largest obstacle is not a lack of knowledge but the deeper orientation of their heart that the Bible calls “sin”. Clear information cannot solve this problem. Spiritual blindness is a problem that can only be overcome by the work of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 2). If this is true, then prayer for the work of the Holy Spirit in your child’s heart is as critical as teaching our children the Gospel.

3. If a child is beginning to grasp the spiritual truths of the Gospel, they will begin to confess sin freely and desire to follow Jesus in how they respond to parents, siblings, friends, and teachers. This doesn’t mean that they will be perfect any more than you are perfect; it simply means that they will be sincere and they will grow in their love for God and others.

4. Daily prayer is a wonderful opportunity to see whether or not your child is getting the Gospel. If their prayers reflect a growing sense of sin and a growing sense of God’s grace given to them through Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection, then you can know that God is at work in their heart.

There is no doubt that much more could and should be said, but this is a good place to start. May God give us all wisdom and grace as we seek to lovingly hold out the hope of the Gospel to the next generation.

Q&A: "What is the heart issue behind crying when you lose a game?"

Travis and Crystal Runion, leaders in our church and parents of six children, share their thoughts:

We think the heart issue behind crying when losing is training your kids to "rejoice when others rejoice." It is about thinking about others more than yourself (Philippians 2:3).

Sometimes, when some of our kids lose they may throw down the Wii remote (or some other form of anger) and that too must be dealt with. There, self control is the heart issue.

I think doing your best is very important, but wrapping all your hope in the game or sport is definitely not where we or our kids need to be. This must be seen and modeled in us parents first!

Got more parenting questions?

You're in luck! After the high volume of questions we received at our parenting conference, we sensed a need for additional events to help parents with the questions they have about childrearing. Two of these events are coming up this month - separate Q&A sessions just for dads, and just for moms. At these events, Grace Church staff and leaders will once again tackle your questions about parenthood. See the details below:

Parenting Q&A session for Dads
7-8:15 p.m., March 16
Multi-purpose room, Pelham Road campus
No childcare available

Parenting Q&A session for Moms
7-8:15 p.m., March 30
Multi-purpose room, Pelham Road campus
No childcare available

Also, if you can't make it out to the appropriate session, be sure to submit your questions on our Google Moderator voting system. You can read more about it a few posts down, or by clicking here.