Friday, October 8, 2010

Reflecting on the Day

At the end of a difficult day, I often sit back and think through all of the things that happened and try to figure out what went wrong.  All too often, God uses these times to gently reveal to me my selfishness.  As I think through the events of the day and what it was that frustrated me so much, I come to the realization that I'm upset because my agenda for the day was not completed.  The things that I had planned to do, whether they were purposely scheduled or just something that I wanted to get done, took a back seat to other things that typically centered around my children in some way.

A friend once told me that parenting is a personal refining process because it reveals what is deep inside of our hearts.  I totally agree!  Whenever I am impatient with my children, grumpy when my son wakes up at 5:30 AM, dismissive of them, or a number of other things, I feel the Spirit reveal to me how selfish I am.  It all boils down to a feeling that I am entitled to pursue and attain certain things, like sleep, a hobby, a job, or relationships.  These things are not bad; in fact, I believe God has put desires in my heart for them.  However, my attitude towards these things often tends towards idolatry; no desire of mine should be more important than worshiping God and serving others.  When I think about how each of my personal desires compare to the awesome blessing of raising my children, these other things seem so foolish.

In these times of struggling, I constantly need to go to God and have Him remind me that He has me exactly where He wants me during this stage of life, and I need Him to help me re-order my priorities and change my heart.  When I have these things in check, I find myself being more patient with my children, excited about our crazy days and enjoying building them up and loving on them.  I can also notice a significant change in my children and their attitudes when I have my priorities in order.  I can't say that I'm excited about waking up at 5:30 AM, but at least I'm greeted by a very cheerful and adorable little boy.  That definitely helps!  And sometimes, like a special little bonus, those other things -- like hobbies, relationships, or a glorious afternoon nap -- fit into my days.

Right now, my focus needs to be on the things that God is calling me to do at this stage in life.  I know there will come a time when I will have more time to do other things, but in this season I'm supposed to relish the time that I have with my kiddos, be thankful that I have the opportunity to stay at home with them, and hopefully, and most importantly, show them the love of Christ and build in them a solid foundation.

--  Jenn Davis

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