Attitude

This article explains that attitudes have three components: behaviors, emotions, and beliefs.  We can think of it as a step-wise process when someone is in a situation. First, the person has a core set of beliefs that he holds to.  Then, emotions add fuel and energy to the situation.  Finally, the internal beliefs and emotions are expressed through behaviors.

"Many parents only focus on the first component, behavior, telling kids to "stop pouting," or "Don't roll your eyes at me." . . . . Remember that the goal of discipline is not just to make your children less annoying. As you correct your children for bad attitudes, you are preparing them for the future. After all, they will experience similar situations continually throughout their lives."

In other words, we need to train our children not merely to change their behaviors, but to recognize the core issues in their own hearts.

Furthermore, notice the phrase about "preparing them for the future." We always need to be parenting for the future, thinking ahead at least 1-2 years. It's on this basis that we are offering a parenting equipping event on April 16-17, called "Transitions."  Registration is not yet live, but you can see some details here. If you are in the Greenville (SC) area, save this date and stay tuned for more details!

Children's Ministry Values (Part 1 - Staff & Parents)

Last week, we discussed our mission in a 3-part series (The Tension, The Mission, The Call). Now, we want to explain what we value as a Children’s Ministry staff. Over the past few months, as we’ve met with and exchanged ideas with other churches, we came up with a list of 5 core values for our ministry. As our church continues to grow (we have gone from 2 to 6 services, and from 1 to 3 campuses, in just 2 years), these are some core values that we think we need to always hold constant.

1. The Children’s Ministry staff is connected to the rest of the church staff. Children’s Ministry has been one of Grace Church’s “growth engines” over the years. And we receive a lot of support and resources to meet our needs. Among children's ministry leaders at some churches, there is a mindset that their ministry is a separate “kingdom” that needs to be protected. A couple of years ago, we were even at a children's conference where the facilitator explained (half-jokingly, at best) that children’s leaders need to manipulate the senior pastor in order to get what they want. We were astounded, and thankful that we don’t have this atmosphere at Grace.

Likewise, we are connected to the rest of the church staff in that we may deliberately choose to do or not do things, for the better of the church as a whole. We are not about our own “kingdom,” although we are passionate about what we’re doing. For example, it is better for our programming to have a two-service format, so that volunteers can attend adult worship while also having consistent small group relationships with children. However, we know that we cannot always have 2 services, so we are learning how to do our programming without back-to-back services.

2. We want to reach and equip parents. We have a limited amount of time with children each week. Therefore, we know that in order to have a long-term impact in the lives of children, we must do it primarily through parents. There are several ways that we want to equip parents:
1. Informing parents of our programming. You can see our upcoming curricula outlines for Preschool and Camp Grace on our website. We give take-home materials that explain what was taught in class.
2. Providing specific parental equipping events.  We have had 3 big events (averaging more than 250 adults in attendance at each) since April 2008.  And on April 16-17 of this year, we will have another one, called Transitions Parenting Conference.
3. Providing a safe and secure environment, so parents can feel free to worship. We use an electronic check-in system (Parent Pager) that helps us know where all 800+ children are each weekend, and helps ensure that only authorized adults can check-out children. We have a simple but thorough safety plan. We have dedicated volunteers who can help young children and their parents through anxieties, and a method to contact parents in adult worship should a need arise.
4. Helping children want to come back. Because of a combination of loving volunteers, small group relationships, and fun programming, we have heard from a number of families that their children love coming, even begging to come, on Saturday nights and Sunday mornings.
5. Giving parents the opportunity to serve. At least one church we know does not allow parents to serve in children’s classrooms. (They have a very low number of children, so this works OK.)  But we think it’s crucial and a great opportunity for parents to serve during our weekend services.  See this blog post for a more detailed explanation why.

We’ll cover the other three values later this week.  What do you think about what we value in Staff and Parents?

How Can I Be Filled with God's Word?

Since being filled with the Spirit is a result of being filled with God’s Word, followers of Christ ought to characterized by being Biblically-Oriented.  Here are some things that have helped me personally:

1. Have a Bible reading plan.  I’m not a big fan of “read through the Bible in one year” (though I’ve done it a few times) because of the pressure it puts on me, but I always do better with a set plan.  Currently, I am using a one year plan that I’m stretching out over 2.5-3 years; this leaves me time to study other things.  Here are some suggested reading plans from Andy Perry and Justin Taylor.
2. Along with my regular reading plan, I’ve recently started my daily “quiet times” by reading one Psalm.  This has helped put me in a worshipful state of mind, before, for example, reading the book of Job or Paul’s letter to the Romans.
3. Read non-fiction books.  I read some fiction, but >90% of what I read is non-fiction.  Our minds need to be stimulated, challenged, and stretched. 
4. Keep a journal.  If this is new, don’t overdo it.  When I started, it was just very simple observations about what I was reading.  Then, I learned 3 key parts: Observation (What does it say?), Interpretation (What does it mean? -- Hint: you'll need some good commentaries and Bible study tools), and Application (What does it mean for my life?).  Observation and Application are (I think) they two most important steps, but most passages need the middle step of Interpretation, so that you don't take the Scripture out of context.
5. Know what your children are learning in their Small Groups, and be proactive in teaching them the same Bible lessons and principles.  You can see the curricula outlines for Camp Grace (Elementary) and Preschool on our website.
6. Especially helpful with elementary-age children, you can try our ROAD Bible-study plan. Be attentive to tailor this to your child’s capabilities.  Younger children may just need to draw pictures of what they read and apply.  Then, they could write out their observations and applications.  For our 3^rd grader, we are thinking that this summer will be a time where we try to transition her to needing less guidance from me when she does her ROAD Map.
7. With Elijah (our 6-year old), we have started having him, one day a week, draw a picture of what his Bible lesson is about.  Over the next few months, we want to help him learn to come up with an application of what he learned about, too.
8. Read through a Gospel account with your children, even just 4-8 verses at a time.  We’ve been reading through the Gospel of Matthew this year.  Again, don’t overdo it.  Take time to talk about what you read.  Let them hear your thoughts and questions and feelings.  That will have as big an impact as anything else for them.
9. Check out Grace Church's resources and teaching on being Biblically-Oriented.  You'll find lots of great tools there.

-- Joey Espinosa

Who Owns It?

Our kids are selfish. (I don’t think it’s just our kids, is it?) They insist on what they want, when they want it, and where they want it. And when they exclaim, “It’s mine!” we have a couple of choices. We can take the item away and make them share, or we can go deeper to the heart level, and explain that they actually don’t own anything. We want to teach our children that they are stewards, not owners, just as we are learning ourselves. God owns everything, and He blesses us with so many things, not just for ourselves, but so that we can share with others. So, over the years, whenever our children try to claim “ownership” over something, we remind them that their toy, Webkin, candy, etc, is not theirs, but God’s.

Well, earlier this week, our 3-year-old Sender showed his understanding of this truth, in his own twisted way. A friend was over, just a few months younger than he is. They mostly played well, but at one point Sender had a toy that the other boy wanted. Quickly, Sender clutched the toy to his chest and started to claim ownership.  He got as far as, “It’s mi—,” when he caught himself. I guess he knew that wasn’t right. So, then he started to say that it was God’s. He only got as far as “It’s G—“ when he again paused. He knew that if he admitted that it was God’s then he would be ‘convicted’ to share the toy.

So instead of proclaiming the truth (“It’s God’s”) which would lead to a life-change application (“I can share”), he said nothing, walking away still holding the toy.

Are we not all that self-deceptive?  We claim to trust God in our words, but when it comes to application, we aren’t willing often enough to make the sacrifice in order to bless others. As Matt Williams taught (see February 14, under “Fear & Freedom”) in his sermon this past week, giving is a gospel issue.  We should give not just because it’s a good thing, but because Jesus gave all for us. Any sacrifice we make to bless others is peanuts compared to what He did for us, and His sacrifice should be all the motivation we need.

In what ways do you need to give and share, as a reflection of God’s ownership and Jesus’ sacrifice?  How can you move from mere head-knowledge of trust in God, to life-change application? Here are some ideas:

1. Give (financially) just a little more, and see God provide for you
2. Get in Biblical community
3. Organize a social event or project for your Community Group; don't let it all fall on your leader
4. Serve more often and more sacrificially in your local church
5. Go on that mission trip that’s on your mind
6. In your local church, don’t go to the most crowded worship service just because it’s convenient for you
7. Spend more quantity, not just quality, time with your kids
8. Take your children’s pastor out to lunch (OK, if not that, at least make him feel better by leaving a comment on his blog)
9. Say “no” to a work opportunity that will cause you to have less time and energy for you family and church

Any other ideas of how you've been learning to trust God through being courageously-generous with your time, money, etc? 

-- Joey Espinosa

Why Does Grace Children's Ministry Exist? - Part 3 (The Call)

We have already discussed the tension between focusing on parents versus focusing on children. Then, we discussed how our mission seeks to work in both ends of this tension. In this post, we want to give some ways that you can be a part of equipping the next generation. Remember, the odds are that if someone does not begin to follow Christ during their childhood or teen years, then they will NOT do so as an adult. We have a limited window of a fruitful opportunity!

1. Grow.  You need to be equipped, to become a mature follower yourself. You cannot lead to a place that you are not at yourself.  This doesn’t mean that you have to be perfect, but that you need to be in the process of growing as a true follower of Christ. Here are key ways that you can grow as a disciple:
1. be in the adult worship service regularly
2. participate in Biblical community
3. pursue God through His word and through prayer
4. give sacrificially
2. Learn. You need to be teachable. Read parenting books and articles. Listen to teaching about parenting. Ask questions, not just of your peers, but also of people who are in a life stage ahead of you. Ask your Community Group leader or email us parenting questions. Go to parenting equipping events. We don’t do many events at Grace Church, so when we do offer them, make it a priority to be there. Be humble enough to let someone else come alongside you and equip you.
3. Serve. Be poured out (2 Timothy 4:6) for the sake of God’s Kingdom. Should parents of young children serve in the local church, since they are tired and busy? Absolutely!  See last week’s post for a more full explanation, but in general, know that Grace Church believes that all our members should be involved in sacrificial service within the church body. Nearly 1000 people are needed to serve just during our weekend programming, in Children’s Ministry, Student Ministry, Hospitality, and Worship. Don't go to church; be a part of it.
4. Preach the word. Make everything about the Gospel for your children. This is not just about Biblical principles, but about always remembering and reminding them that God is glorious (and deserving of our worship), we are sinners (and deserving of judgment and hell), and Christ died for our sins (proving that God loves us). Don’t be quick to always remove obstacles and hardships from your life and the lives of your children. At the least, use these hardships to lead your children away from self-idolatry or worldliness, and toward a life of repentant faith and dependence on the message of the cross.

 Questions or comments about our mission?

Why Does Grace Children's Ministry Exist? - Part 2 (The Mission)

Yesterday’s post explained the tension that we face regarding the purpose of our Children’s Ministry. We recognize the need to help parents grow and to equip them to lead their children. At the same time, we need to pour into children as well, with programming that is both fun and meaningful.

About 3 years ago, we re-wrote our mission statement.  Grace Children’s Ministry exists to . . .

• Assist parents in leading their children towards a Gospel-centered life,
• Equip volunteers to shepherd children, and
• Encourage children to grow in Christ by teaching them Biblical truths in meaningful ways.

We want to be clear on what we feel are our responsibilities, and what are not. Our roles are to assist parents (such as through take-home materials, equipping events, etc), equip volunteers (through training, our website, coaches, etc), and encourage children (through curriculum, programming, take-homes, etc). However, these three things are not the ultimate goals and “wins” for our ministry.

What are the “wins” for Grace Children’s Ministry?  Parents leading their children, volunteers shepherding children, and children growing in Christ. We cannot make these things happen. We can only help create opportunities for them to occur. We can have parenting and volunteer equipping events. We can give out take-homes. We can write curriculum and schedule hundreds of volunteers. But the rest is out of our hands. And if parents are leading, volunteers are shepherding, and children are growing outside of the tools we provide, that is even better! We are in no way claiming that we know all the answers, but we’re glad to be a part of the process.

Of course, the primary goal is to have children coming to know and grow in Christ. We want to equip the next generation for a life in Christ. Of course, we cannot control this; this is a work of the Holy Spirit. But we also know that God wants us to invest our resources into kingdom-building works. This is not a fruitless and joyless burden. Instead, we rejoice in the fact that He allows us to be a part of His work. 

What does it look like for you to be a part of building Christ’s Kingdom? Come back tomorrow.

Why Does Grace Children's Ministry Exist? - Part 1 (The Tension)

Studies show that most people who make a profession of faith and a decision to follow Christ will do so before the age of 18. Therefore, there is no doubt that there is a need to reach young hearts for the sake of the Gospel and God’s Kingdom. The question is how that is best accomplished.

On one end of the spectrum, we could say that it is responsibility of parents alone to disciple their children, and we could make a great Biblical case for this (Deuteronomy 6, Proverbs, etc). In this scenario, the role of children’s ministry is mainly to come alongside parents who themselves are being equipped and discipled. Our resources would be funneled primarily into equipping parents.

On the other end, we could say that the local church has a big part to play in equipping the next generation, alongside (not in lieu of) parents. We have an increasing number of families coming to Grace Church who are from a background where they have not been taught what it looks like to lead their children towards a Gospel-centered life. As a church, we strive to help them become mature followers of Christ. But what do we do with their children while the parents are in this growing process? Can we make our church a place where children want to come back and where they are taught Biblical truths? If this is true, our resources should be funneled into fun and interactive and meaningful programming.

So, we have this challenge/choice/tension: Do we put our limited resources (money, time, energy) into adults, to help them become better Christ-followers and leaders? Or, should we pour our resources out into having exciting and intense weekend programming, where kids love coming?  The answer, we believe, is “Yes” to both.

See tomorrow’s post for more about this.