In the introduction to Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Tripp outlines a multifaceted philosophy of parenting. First, a parent must be an authority who is kind. Being authoritative is not about holding your child under your power, but about helping them learn to freely put themselves under your and God’s authority. My children are called by God to obey and honor me, knowing that under my authority they will find security, love, and peace (Ephesians 6:1-3).
Second, a parent must intentionally shepherd their child, so that the child can understand themselves in God’s world. This understanding doesn’t come by mere instruction, but through an intimate discipleship relationship. “Values and spiritual vitality are not simply taught, but caught.”
Third, a parent needs to always keep the gospel as the central focus. Our children need to know that they are created in the image of God, and that they are also fallen sinners. Parenting is not about getting children to behave and do good works, but to help them understand the condition of their hearts. Tripp explains, “Your children desperately need to understand not only the external “what” they did wrong, but also the internal “why” they did it.”
What are your thoughts on these ideas? How have you communicated the gospel truth (image of God, fallen sinners) to your children? If this is a newer concept, how could this be applied to your family? Additionally, what are your struggles with being an authority or a shepherd for your child? What has gone well?
Thanks for a great summary of the first chapter! I always get so bogged down reading this book, so I love having someone smarter than me to point out the big ideas. So, how much does my 3-year old need to know about WHY she should obey God? In our "discussions" I have a hard time explaining to her why she needs to obey God without sounding like I'm preaching the "prosperity gospel" to her, i.e., you should obey so that God will give you security, love and peace. I don't know how much she can understand what security, love and peace are and I don't want it to sound like "obey and good things will happen." And what about when I tell her that our sin separates us from God and we want to be near God. And she says, "but I don't want to be near God." Can you help us out with some appropriate language for our 3-year-old?
ReplyDeleteThis will be great. It'll be like cliff-notes version. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteSounds like 2 topics here. First "Why obey?" For a 3-year old, I think the reason is mainly because God the creator said for children to obey their parents. I'm not sure there can be much reasoning for a young child. This can be a great opportunity for you to give a personal example of who God has put in authority in your life (government, police, boss, husband (for wives), etc), and explain that it's not always easy for you to obey, but that God knows best and that you can trust Him.
ReplyDeleteThe second issue about not wanting to be near God is very revealing about our sin nature. Your 3-year-old doesn't even understand what it means to be near God, and yet she knows to rebel against it! I wouldn't stress over this. With my son (at around the same age) who said the same thing, I replied, "That's OK. God wants to be near you, but if you don't want to be near Him, He won't make you. But you need to know that not wanting to be near God is sin, and that Jesus died for that sin." In that way, you've communicated truth about God, you've communicated the gospel message, and at the least the child thinks she "won." -- Joey Espinosa
Thanks, Joey. Those are some GREAT answers! I can't wait to try it out...bet I won't even have to wait long!
ReplyDeleteYes, thanks Joey! I am so glad I found this blog! With all of the change we are going through some new and pre-existing heart conditions have been revealed so I think I will be rereading Shepherding... along with keeping up with this blog. Great idea and thanks again!
ReplyDeleteWhat else can I tell my children besides "God says in the bible children obey your parents". It seems to be too vague for my almost 5 yr old. Also, we've been dealing with a lot of smart faces/looks, stomping of the foot on the floor, etc which of course are all disrespectful. What's the best way to handle that?
ReplyDeleteThere surely are other things you can tell your 4 year old, but I believe that for most kids that age, the focus really has to be God's law. He/she needs to hear from you that disobeying is sin, and sin has consequences. You're right that those actions are disrespectful. But even more so, those behaviors are acts of rebellion (against you and God). Since you are the authority over your child, if you give a clear command to him/her, you should expect complete obedience and submission. If he/she willfully rebels against your word, I believe that warrants a spanking (Prov 22:15; 23:13-14). -- Joey Espinosa
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